cruisin' along '09

So the month of January comes to a close. I'll be the first to admit that 2009 has been very kind to me and mine thus far. I can't think of one significant thing to complain about. (There are plenty of minor things, mostly inconveniences that really don't merit blog time.)

School, at this point, is mostly yawn-worthy. I'm taking a class that is sort of a hybrid of two classes I've already taken. So, essentially, everything we're doing is 'review' and I haven't really had to put forth much effort to keep my grade at a high A. I also had my academic advisor run a graduation audit for me. The results came as quite a shock. According to them (and I'm still waiting on confirmation that they haven't flubbed something up) I only have THREE more classes (equal to eight credit hours) until I graduate! This is me doing the freaking Snoopy Dance like you've never seen me do the Snoopy Dance before! I have a Humanities class to take (Technology, Society & Culture), a Career Development course, and my final class will be the Senior Project. If the graduation audit is correct I will be finished with school by summer time! However I suspect they made a mistake because, according to my well-kept records, I still have two concentration courses to take -- Database and Website Integration and Integrated Computer Applications. I'm kind of on the fence as to what I want the answer to my inquiry to be. On one hand I am greatly looking forward to graduating and putting school behind me for a while. On the other hand the sooner school ends, the sooner I will have to start paying back my school loans. I peeked at one of my recent statements and, though it was expected, the $60k balance threw me for a loop. I'm guessing my loan payments are going to run me somewhere close to $300 a month and we're just not in a place financially where that is feasible. So the longer I stay in school the longer I can put that off. (Of course, that also means interest is going to keep accruing which is another dilemma I am facing. Gah!) Once I graduate, though, I fully intend on looking into a consolidation program with a low interest rate. I still have to make a firm decision on graduate school. I do want to get a Masters but it seems kind of wasteful at the moment. But if I'm not going to be working I may wind up qualifying for grants to help pay for my Masters and the program shouldn't take me much longer than a year to complete. Then I could potentially re-enter the job market with a very strong academic background indeed. A lot can change in six months so it really doesn't make much sense for me to make myself crazy over the details right now.

So this week my Banana-shaped friend and I walked 12-ish miles. I feel great. I'm definitely more energized. I've also been taking a low dose of Zyprexa every night which has helped me sleep well for the most part. Last night I woke up at 2:30 in the morning (after falling asleep just after 1:00) ready to do something. Normally when I wake up in the middle of the night I toss and turn for a few then eventually fall back asleep. Last night was different, though. I woke up and felt like I could run a mile or drive to the coast. I settled on browsing the Internet instead. I was on eBay for about an hour and came ohsoclose to buying a lot of makeup that I don't need/can't afford. Call it an act of God or what have you, but The Monkey actually woke up in the middle of my [almost] shopping spree and sent me back to bed. Drat! (Ok, ok... I know it was a good thing he woke up. But oh how I would've loved to have some Afterglow blush and four new eyeshadow singles and two new palettes -- all by Urban Decay -- to add to my makeup collection! :P)

I think manias are so much more difficult for people to grasp/understand/deal with. I mean, a depressed person is quite obviously unwell. In my case I am lethargic, almost bed-ridden, weepy, and full of 'doom and gloom' as it were. But with mania, it's a little difficult to register the fact that I am not, in fact, doing well but am, in fact, dealing with the opposite end of my illness. I'm cheerfulness and happiness abounding. I'm talkative and social. Full of energy with life coursing heavily through my veins. I am very much alive. I have ideas -- so many ideas -- that it's hard to channel my energy into any one direction. How do I chose?? (This is one reason I've started keeping the makeup blog -- it's a specific way to 'channel' all my manic energy.) And anyone on the outside looking in may find it easy to look at me and think that I am well when I really, really am not. The surface of things can be monumentally deceiving. While I'd much rather be manic than depressed any day I'm trying to get to a point where I recognize what is happening and instead of just 'enjoying the ride' I am trying to find ways of centering/grounding/focusing myself so that I don't fall off the deep end and get lost in the manic frenzies. Because manic, like depressed, is not good.

I need to start aiming towards euthymic.