[insert long exasperated sigh]

My mood still isn't right. I just can't put my finger on it. I'm not overwhelmingly sad. I feel... flat. I don't feel like doing anything. Whatever.

I went to see my RE yesterday. I called them after my visit to the ER and they said I should be seen. Turns out their conclusion was identical to the ER's conclusion: pelvic inflammatory disease.

Color me stupid. PID is something people (myself included) almost always associate with STDs. And how on planet earth could I have gotten an STD?? I had a dream the night after the ER that The Monkey had cheated on me and given me an STD. And then he blatently told me he was tired of my "bullshit" and we were done. I woke myself up crying. And gave him the cold shoulder for part of the day. Haha.

But the nurse said with my "history" of problems that my endometrium probably grew out of control and I didn't have a proper period to get rid of all the tissue and fluid. And, basically, it got "backed up" and an infection ensued and then lots of horrible pain that I do not wish to experience ever again in my entire life. (I am not ashamed of the fact that if we ever do get pregnant that I will be planning on having an epidural. I really don't give a crap who thinks it's a "bad decision" because it's not their body and it won't be their kid so they can kiss my ass.)

Anyhow. The nurse said that should the pain continue I'd need to make an appointment with my RE directly so she could examine me herself and determine whether or not I'll need another lap in the near future. Or perhaps need to switch birth control pills. Or suppress my ovaries all together for the moment. (Not too keen on that last option.)

Infection is nothing to mess around with when it comes to the girly bits. Especially when my girly bits are already severely malfunctioning. So, despite the $100 copay that I have no means to pay (on top of The Monkey's $100 ER copay) I am glad I went to the ER.

For now, the pain has subsided. I started my new pack of birth control and, so far, have not had any of the twinges and cramps that I had with my last pack. So maybe that's a good sign.

I can't believe it's September already. I'm getting bummed because I don't think we're going to be able to afford Metallica tickets + gas to get to Tampa + a hotel for two nights. My parents are planning a Labor Day barbecue this Sunday. At least I have something to look forward to. I want to make some potato and macaroni salad. Sis is making baked beans. Mom and Dad are going to smoke a couple of Boston Butts and some ribs. And my dad's brother is going to bring fresh corn on the cob for the grill. Speaking of my dad's brother... he's been dating this woman for a while. She has a little boy... it's hard to judge how old he is because he's very small for his age but I think he's four going on five. The kid isn't potty trained yet. They really don't take good care of him. The live in a dilapidated trailer that has plywood floors and garbage everywhere. I don't think she works. My dad's brother is the "maintenance man" for this trailer park they live in (which is a deplorable area) and I'm not sure what he gets for it other than free rent for this barely liveable trailer. My dad tells me yesterday that she is pregnant. Not sure how far along but apparently she was already pregnant at our 4th of July barbecue. Not that you'd ever know because she was chain smoking her little cigars and drinking. So as if that's not bad enough, my mom tells me that the baby tested positive for trisomy 21. I can't believe this. They don't take care of the little boy she already has and now they are going to bring a special needs baby into this world into those living conditions?!?

I will never EVER as long as I live understand why people like them can procreate so easily and so many deserving couples can't conceive. It's not right.

So I'm going to try to put blinders on for the barbecue on Sunday. I'm really not keen on seeing a pregnant woman chain smoking cigarettes and gulping down booze. If you're selfish enough to get pregnant when you don't want to, at least have the decency to take care of yourself for fscks sake.

Whatever.

Now I need to go try and get motivated to shower and get dressed. I have to go see my pdoc to get a refill on my Lamictal. I think it's high time that I looked for another pdoc and a real therapist.

crap crap crap!

I guess I tempted fate one too many times last week. I went to bed last night with a slight pain in my right ear. I woke up at 4:00 AM with my ear swollen shut. It hurts but it's not unbearable just yet. Since our insurance hasn't kicked in just yet (at least I don't think it has... plus we haven't received our cards in the mail), I'm going to try my best to treat this at home. I've read about home remedies of equal parts vinegar and water. :-/ I've never tried it, though. But it may just work seeing as how the infection is still very mild.

One thing is for sure -- no more swimming without ear plugs! I'm going to do some research and find the best ones for swimming. I have moldable plugs but they aren't very good. I've used them in the shower and they seem to want to fall out when they get wet. Kind of defeats the purpose, dontcha think?

UGH. So much for getting through 2009 without another ear infection. I was doing so well, too! [sigh]

un-be-freaking-lievable

So I woke up the day before yesterday with... dum dum dum... another blasted ear infection! That's THREE of these freaking things in as many months! Before the first one in September, I couldn't honestly tell you the last time I had an honest-to-god ear infection. Now I'm having them recurrently?! Yes, I'm slightly annoyed. I decided to go see my ENT to get the bottom of things instead of just goint to my GP to get treatment. My ENT is awesome. (And HOT to boot. [snicker]) He checked out my ear and, yes, it's infected. As it turns out, the skin of my ear canal is severely irritated (possibly eczcema) which makes it prone to itching which, in turn, makes me jab my finger in it to stop said itching, which further irritates the canal which leads to further itching and further jabbing which then leads to pain and an infection. Mystery solved! So I have yet another course of antibiotic drops and a hefty supply of Lortab at my disposal. Joy above all joys! The Monkey went with me to the appointment because his hearing has been cloudy on the one side. My ENT looked in his ears as a courtesy (only charged us for one office visit, how nice, huh?) and said that The Monkey has a "typical toddler ear infection" (otitis media) which is different from what I have (swimmer's ear/otitis externa). So my doc gave The Monkey a week's worth of antibiotics (hooray for free samples!) and me a week's worth of ear drops (again, hooray for free samples!). Prescriptions included, the visit cost us $63.00.

After a couple months of waiting patiently, I finally heard something from the SSA on my disability. Because I haven't been to my pdoc in over six weeks, they are requiring that I have a medical examination done. This includes both a physical exam and a psych eval. My physical is on the 9th and my psych eval is on the 15th. I have an appointment with my new therapist tomorrow and then I finally get to see the new pdoc about meds on the 18th. Hopefully everything works out in my favor. The Monkey and I are already pinching pennies and slowly but surely draining our savings account. :-/ Hopefully he'll be employed soon, too.

So it goes...

new month = new post. uh huh.

Things are strange. I can hardly believe it's September already. The Monkey's unemployment is almost up. [meep] Time to find jobs like real people.

Moods are all over the freaking map. I lost 10 pounds during my fleet of hypomania. Living on Diet Cherry Coke and Sugar Free Red Bull and cigarettes will do that. I've gained about half of the 10 pounds back after the inevitable spiral back into depression earlier this week. Eating brownies and various Little Debbie cakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And sometimes at 3:00 AM when the insomnia would take over. Antidepressants didn't do much for me except make me a cranky wench after the initial "high" of euphoric hypomania wore off. Started getting an earache Monday afternoon. Went to the doctor on Tuesday morning and was diagnosed with "otitis externa" or swimmer's ear. Even though I haven't been swimming in WEEKS. Must've been from showering. Using some antibiotic ear drops but they don't seem to be helping. The Monkey promises we'll go back to the doctor on Monday if I'm still not any better. Living off Ultram, Ibuprofen, Tylenol, and various muscle relaxers in the mean time. At least I'm getting some sleep. God how I miss Klonopin. Xanax is okay in a pinch (and it's wonderous for anxiety) but Klonopin puts me OUT when I take it at night. There's something to be said for a full, SOLID eight hours of sleep. Yes. Most of the sleep I'm getting nowdays is broken into two and three hour increments at best. Oh well. At least I'm catching up on my Angel and Charmed reruns. [eyeroll]

Decisions to be made. Work to be done. Totally NOT interested in school. I blame the ear infection. Passed my last class with a 99.5% average. I missed five whole points on my final exam and ZERO points on everything else. I fucking rule. Sis and brother-in-law are on tentative orders to PCS at the end of this year. Destination: Fort Bliss, TX. (Basically El Paso.) The Monkey and I have been invited to join them in the move and we are seriously considering it. After all, there's really nothing compelling tying us to Alabama. My parents don't want us to go but seriously, they'll get over it. And I'll miss them, but I'll also miss my sis and the kids if/when they do leave. Not to mention I'll miss out on all the wonderous baby firsts that I've gotten to experience with Madison Michele. Who, by the way, turned 9 months on the 25th of August and has already taken her first steps! Babies are just so... neat.

More later. Possibly with some sort of coherence. Now it's time to check on my Webkinz (I'm totally addicted) and lie down to watch Food Network Night time. Tomorrow is definitely homework and studying.