do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around...

I started this really inspired entry a couple of weeks ago about the month of November. It was really heart felt. And did I mention inspired? Sadly my inspiration comes in spurts and I wasn't able to finish before I'd gotten side tracked. And I can't remember what I was going to say anyway.

November is an ideal month. Because it has a bonafide holiday for which all of my family members have a paid day off. There is plenty of holiday cooking and cheer but no stress over buying gifts and things like that. Of course, up until this Thanksgiving, The Monkey and I had never been quite so broke. (Financially, I mean. As a married couple we are a well oiled machine most days.) It is rough having to be tight fisted. Not being able to go out and buy stuff on a whim. Or, more accurately, in a manic frenzy. I don't even have credit cards to fuel that anymore. Which is probably a good thing.

Speaking of mania that's exactly what I was when I went to see my new pdoc yesterday. Utterly and completely manic. The drive to D-Town was fascinating (and the drive home even moreso... did you know that long strings of headlights in the dark look a lot like Christmas lights??). I was already positively giddy when I bounded into Starbucks and ordered my Caramel Brulee Latte. I could hardly keep still while I sat in the pdoc's waiting room for almost two hours. This doctor has some kind of thing for peacocks. The waiting room was completely decked out in peacocks. I didn't find this at all odd until I went to the bathroom (too much caffeine!) and found that it too was decorated in peacocks! Complete with a really busy wallpaper. When the nurse finally took me back into a room it TOO was decorated in peacocks. I literally could NOT contain my laughter. When the nurse came in to "interview" me I giggled about the doctor's affinity for peacocks. She laughed too and then showed me their Christmas tree decorations. ALL PEACOCKS. Cue hysterics! I finally stopped laughing long enough to answer all of her questions. I'm not sure if she was entertained or annoyed by all of my side stories. It's, uh, a bit difficult to stay on track when you're manic. (Which is why I hardly ever write anything until after I've come down a bit. Things come out way too...jumbled. A hundred half-finished thoughts in ten seconds. It aren't pretty.) When she left I kicked myself. I was so busy trying to remember everything that I'd left out two BIG BIG parts of my mental health history: my previous self-injurious behavior and my binge/purge...uh...thing. I did tell the pdoc when he finally came in, though.

Once all was said and done, the doc gave me some Prozac (to help with the more frequent depressive episodes) and some Restoril for sleep. I've taken both; I had no real issues with either. (Well, except that one time when I OD'd on Restoril and the fact tha Prozac did cause SSRI-induced mania. But the OD was eight years ago when I was single and wanted very much to die; and the mania problem was all because my previous pdoc didn't have me on any kind of mood stabilizer BEFORE adding the Prozac.) I go back in a month to see how things are going.

I have the distinct feeling that this is not over.

In the meantime I am going to focus on the upcoming stuff-yourself-to-bursting day. And my niece's SECOND birthday. (And try not to focus on the fact that our child would have been almost two, too.) And find THE recipe for Red Velvet Cake for my birthday. And baking Key Lime Cake for my sister's birthday. And celebrating Christmas/the solstice just The Monkey and me this year. (I am seriously considering getting totally sloshed on hard eggnog.) And hunting down some Godiva Chocolate Liqueur for my Chocolatinis for New Year's Eve.

Is 2009 really that close to being over??

Insanity, I tell you. Absolute insanity.

a few birthday pics...

All dressed up and nowhere to go.



Mmm...cake. My sister had to do the writing because I screwed it up the first time. :-P



Me holding my cake.



[sings] Happy birthday to me......



Blowing out the candles. Thank goodness we used a "2" and an "8" instead of 28 candles. Yikes!



Just bein' my goofy self. ;-)



Carefully cutting up red velvet deliciousness.



My niece enjoying her piece.



My Boo bear enjoying his piece.



My niece's friend enjoying her piece.



The half-devoured cake.

THE END.

another year gone by...

Today I'm 28. So close to 30 now it's getting scary. :-P I contemplated getting drunk tonight but I'm really not in the mood. Something about melancholy that makes getting inebriated less appealing. Le sigh.

I wish I had something insightful or interesting to say about the year past. I absolutely don't. It was another year. It was a rough year. I'm sure there will be years that will top this one in the 'rough' category, though. Still no children. I'm beginning to wonder if we'll ever be parents. I'm beginning to wonder if I even care anymore. Last year I was getting a shot in my ass for yet another failed attempt to get pregnant. The year before I was just starting my long run of visits to Birmingham and Montgomery for a chance to get pregnant. This year, we've stopped trying all together. Funny how things can change so drastically.

I just finished a small slice of red velvety goodness. I can feel myself getting fatter. Literally. Ugh. (This feeling is drastically exacerbated by the string of photos my sister took in which I look incredibly large.) Time to really buckle down and lose weight. Seriously. I really MUST get on the ball. [eyeroll]

So I had cake and icecream and forced a smile (and it actually didn't look fake) and I have new socks and all is just so with the world. Time to wash my face and curl up on the couch under two thick blankets with a warm, fuzzy kitty at my feet. Tomorrow I will be one day closer to 29. I will try not to think about my life ending one nano-second at a time.

Pictures to follow... eventually. My hair looked kinda neat today with the whole wavey look. I think I like it.

practice makes perfect

The weekend is over; back to the daily grind. I feel like crap today. My head hurts, I'm nauseated, and my sinuses feel like they are going to explode.

We had a nice weekend. Tony's brother and niece came over Friday night for a while. We had pizza and played Wii. Then we sat around and talked while the kids played. I figured since we were going to have company I might as well invite my niece over, too. We wound up having David, too. They behaved themselves. Deborah stayed the night again on Saturday. I took her home around 5:00 yesterday evening. Around 7:00 she called me to tell me that she missed me. She sounded on the verge of tears. :( Poor thing. I think having a new baby around is exciting but she's not the only girl anymore. That has to be rough after being the only girl for nine years.

My birthday is Thursday. Eee gads I'm going to be 27!