so sad.

I woke up at 2:00 AM yesterday (er.. today?) surprised to find my mom still wide awake and making bracelets. I sat for a moment and talked to her, put on the bracelet she made me, gave her a kiss and went back to bed. She was looking for her kitty Cupcake as I curled back up next to The Monkey.

I'm not sure how long it was... but she came into our room crying and said "Melissa Cupcake is dead."

Today was a very rough day. She had to have been dead a couple of hours because she was already cold and stiff. I couldn't look. My sister came this morning and wrapped her up in a quilt and we took her to the vet to be cremated. She was sick but she tried so hard to get better. Michele said she was tired. And she stuck around long enough to make sure we were going to be okay. She was such a sweetheart and we miss her so much. I'm looking around at our other animals and I just have this wave of unending love and appreciation. Cupcake was only five. :'(

Happy Birthday to My Monkey!

The Monkey is 37 today. He wanted carrot cake for his birthday (it's his favorite) and I wanted to scratch my cake decorating itch. So we compromised... I made him a "show off" cake and a carrot cake. Hehe...

I tried to incorporate something that I thought would reflect him but I couldn't think of what to do! Then I decided to do a Rubik's Cube.



My black fondant didn't turn out right so I did chocolate buttercream instead (tinted black). Also, the cube doesn't have cube dimensions (LOL!) but it is solvable (if it were, you know, real Rubik's Cube size).

ohhh... the 2WW

I hate the 2WW. Have I ever mentioned that? It's agonizing. At least I get to entertain myself by peeing on sticks and watching them get lighter and lighter ... and lighter ...

And then of course hopefully darker again!

I teeter between absolutely terrified/nervous and really, really excited. I held on to my piece of moonstone throughout the whole "procedure." I wore a pair of lucky socks (which my RE actually commented on.. hah!). I wore the bracelets my mom made me.

Tony and I both wore Auburn t-shirts yesterday. We were a bit "afraid" being in Bama country and all that. But we had soooo many people walk by us and say "War Eagle" it was uncanny! I enjoyed it very much. (Also, the hospital cafeteria has really good food! :P)

one is the lonliest number...

That's it. Just one lonely follicle on the right side. The two that had potential on the left side didn't catch up. I hope that this is our "golden egg" because... [sigh] I'm just so ready for the infertility chapter of my life to be OVER.

Still waiting to hear back from my RE on my bloodwork results and things. Most likely I'll be triggering tonight and then we'll go to the office on Wednesday morning for the IUI.

Update: Heard from the RE. Trigger shot tonight and IUI around 10:00 AM Wednesday. E2 was on the low-ish side (137) but my Googling says that E2 can and usually is lower in we fluffy types.

One egg. I really hope it's the one.

countdown to the 2WW

My ovaries are officially sore. The Monkey came over to "squish" me on the bed (we do this a lot) and I screamed in pain because he squished me on the tummy and it hurt. He felt bad, poor guy.

I'm extremely anxious but also excited. But probably more anxious.

So to take my mind off of things The Monkey is going to take me out shopping for a shiny new KitchenAid standing mixer! [insert jumpy emoticon here] Then I think I will come home and bake something -- anything -- to try it out. I will probably wind up with the classic model even though the professional series is really drool worthy.

The Monkey turns 37 in a week.

follie scan tomorrow...

I'm reading into things. This whole week I've happened to look at the clock on triple digits (my sister told me to make a wish)... Monday it was 4:44, then 5:55, 3:33, 2:22 the two days after... Then yesterday I was sitting in the truck waiting for my sister and I looked out the window to see a bright green (color of fertility) grasshopper just chillin' on my window. Grasshoppers are considered a fertility symbol as well. I have this long story about why the grasshopper was really significant to me that I'll have to share another time.

So... I took a cue from a few others (specifically I remember her post about her good luck charm and, of course, the lucky socks. So I had my mom string me a "fertility bracelet" for luck. It is moonstone and rosequartz with a turtle charm. All symbolic of fertility in some way or another.

restless mind... meet EASE

I walked to the mailbox this afternoon actually expecting it to be empty. Instead, it was full (got a shipment of medication). Underneath the package there were a few pieces of mail. One of which appeared to be a US Treasury check -- addressed to me. I opened it last afraid it would burst my bubble.

But it did not. It was my lump sum back pay for SSDI. My attorney got paid off the top so the remainder (that I got paid) is ours.

Today, relief is spelled V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!

Also, day four of injections went just fine. The teensy Follistim needles are all 'pshaw... is that all you got?" And I got a full extra dose out of the 300 IU cartridge FTW! I'm expecting something similar out of the Gonal-F pens. So I have a little bit left in my Follistim pen which I fully intend on using tomorrow and I'll finish up my dose with a second injection of Gonal-F. Thursday I go for my follicle scan. Hoping to see a minimum of three growing but I'll settle gladly for two, though. Well, to be perfectly honest, I'll be overjoyed with one good egg that results in a real, live take-home-baby!

The Monkey's birthday is coming up. I was having major issues coming up with a cake design that I could actually handle. Most of the things he enjoys would be exceptionally complicated and/or artsy (e.g. a WoW themed cake). So then I got to thinking about the time I was taking one of my many IT courses and The Monkey was helping me understand how to read binary. Then he showed me a binary clock which was exceptionally cool once I got the hang of reading it. I thought about making him a binary clock cake (which would be simple) but then I thought... binary... The Matrix! He's a total Matrix junkie. I can hardly watch The Matrix with him because he knows the dialogue so well. So I'm trying to search for designs that I can scam off of. :P With the back pay safely in our bank account, I fully intend on going out and buying myself the Kitchen Aid standing mixer I've been drooling over for... oh years now. They have it in a very pretty yellow at Bed Bath & Beyond. No more sore elbow for me! Huzzah!

Epic Day!

I went to check the mail this afternoon and there was an envelope from the SSA waiting. I held my breath as I opened it.

At the top of the letter it simply stated Decision: Fully Favorable.

PURE UNADULTERATED RELIEF!!!

No check yet but surely that will come soon. (Fingers crossed anyway.) Also my backpay will go all the way back to May when I stopped working. That's 27 months of backpay. My mind is pretty much in a state of whoa.

This battle is finally won!

upcoming upcomings...

I find myself suddenly worked up about our upcoming IUI cycle. I am 12 DPO today (er, yesterday); my temp is dangerously close to my coverline and my uterus has been doing that you-might-want-to-carry-or-even-possibly-wear-a-pad thing all day.

We're supposed to go back to Birmingham for several different things. A few of which we've put off specifically to try and save a trip (or two). The Monkey needs to have his testosterone and other hormone levels rechecked. He also needs to have his CBC redone along with his fasting insulin (to make sure his metformin dosage is working properly). They'll also test his kidney and liver function (to make sure the met isn't, you know, killing him slowly). They'll also have him repeat his semen analysis to see if and how much the Clomid has helped. Fingers crossed that it has helped at least somewhat; hopefully significantly!

I need to have a repeat mycoplasma culture done. And also a baseline ultrasound and possibly bloodwork. Baseline ultrasounds on CD 2 or 3 are always a blast as many of you know. Poking around at a sore, swollen uterus with the dildo cam -- definitely my idea of a good time. [eyeroll] Also the mycoplasma culture means they will be torturing my cervix. Double the fun! But at least we won't have to drive to Birmingham three times in two weeks. They'll also do repeat blood draws on me and they need to recheck my thyroid to make sure my Synthroid dosage is still right.

My recent worries, however, are due to cost issues. Our insurance coverage has me completely confused. I looked at our claims statements from our first return visit to our RE and then my visit alone for my SIS procedure. Everything they did on The Monkey was covered at a rate of 90/10 -- our payment being the 10%. Everything they did on me -- including the SIS procedure -- was covered at a rate of 50/50. Now, color me confused because when the hell is a semen analysis done but to diagnose infertility?? So then I looked up our coverage details and found information showing that infertility "diagnosis and treatment" is supposed to be covered at the 90/10 rate with IUI covered at a rate of 50/50 and IVF/GIFT/ZIFT not being covered at all. (When I originally spoke with financial and gave them our new insurance info, this is the information I got from them as well.) So I do not understand the 50/50 rate. But then I found another summary of coverage that said the rate for infertility was 50/50 across. WTF?? I don't understand how that could be the case and they would charge the 90/10 rate for Tony's treatments. I haven't yet received any bills but I know they are coming. One will be for almost $200 for all my bloodwork, PAP, and mycoplasma culture. The second will be $125 for my SIS procedure. I know I probably shouldn't be bitching. I know that lots of people don't have infertility coverage period. And I am grateful that we have coverage! But when you are prepared to pay 10% of incurred costs and you're hit with 50% instead... well, you tend to get pissed off.

I am going to require at least five more blood draws (repeat fasting labs, baselines, mid-cycle labs around trigger time, a progesterone check, and a beta), a repeat mycoplasma culture (hopefully just one), and two ultrasounds. Tony is getting his fasting labs repeated and repeating his semen analysis. Then we have to pay for meds and the IUI itself (which are the only costs I'm actually sure of at this point). And this is not to mention the gas it's going to take to get to and from Birmingham (and then hopefully only Montgomery). I keep hearing "cha-ching... cha-ching..." in my head.

My temp dropped below my coverline this morning so I'm likely to start sometime today or tomorrow. CD 1 today means a trip to Birmingham on Thursday; CD 1 tomorrow means a trip to Birmingham on Friday. I really hope I don't start on Wednesday because I'm not sure what services they do on Saturdays and we're trying to make as few trips as humanly possible!

So I am hoping for a few things: 1) That I talk to my insurance company and they tell me that the rate is 90/10 and get things corrected. 2) That I start getting my SSDI check! 3) That this works on the first try and we can stop playing this song and dance for a while!!

Le sigh.