the miracle of twin birth

The end of my pregnancy had really begun to take its toll. I was physically spent and emotionally just exhausted. (Being off my meds really sucked.) So when I went to my (unbeknownst to me) last OB appointment at 37w6d and the OB decided to strip my membranes I was really, really hopeful that things would move quickly.

I was sorely disappointed.

Friday went by without any real changes. I was a teensy bit crampy and had some contractions but they fizzled out rather quickly. I tried to seduce The Monkey (who was totally on board) but my body just wasn't having it. And my brain really wasn't in the mood, either. It takes brain power to get turned on and all I could think was whether or not the sex would help get things moving. Meh.

Saturday came and again, a whole lotta nuttin'. I got on the elliptical. I cleaned. I did laundry. Not so much as a strong Braxton Hicks. It was like my body was mocking me. Every time I went to the bathroom (which at 38 weeks with twins is a LOT) I would wipe and pray for bloody show. I find this incredibly ironic. My OB told me very pointedly after the membrane sweep that I "would have some spotting" especially since my normal cervix checks had caused spotting for about a day each time. But every bathroom trip proved fruitless. Not so much as a tan tint to my TP.

By Saturday night I knew that my "window of opportunity" was closing. (Most labors begin within 48 hours of a sweep if they're going to begin.) By 8:00 PM I was sulking around thinking how I might actually make it to my OB appointment on Tuesday. I was beginning to feel like my body was mocking me relentlessly. First I couldn't get pregnant. Now, even measuring almost 52 weeks, my body didn't want to get a move on to get unpregnant. Around 11:00 The Monkey and I went to bed. I asked him for sex as badly as I did not really care to try but wound up falling asleep before either of us could initiate things. I think The Monkey was probably very relieved. (First all the pressure to "get the job done" to get pregnant... now I was asking him to "get the job done" to put me into labor. Hah!)

At 1:00 AM on Sunday July 3rd I jolted awake to a distinct pain in my abdomen. It definitely wasn't a Braxton. Or it didn't feel like a Braxton. But one tummy twinge doesn't mean jack in the world of labor and deliver so I rolled over and went back to sleep. An undetermined amount of time later and another one of those pains woke me up. Hmm... I grabbed my Droid off the headboard and opened my contraction timer app (there's an app for everything) and pushed start. About a minute later I pushed 'stop' and then dozed back off. Eleven minutes and 24 seconds later, another pain. One minute and twelve seconds and it subsided. This went on for about an hour. I decided to get out of bed and walk around. If I was in early labor I certainly didn't want to discourage things!

I hopped on the elliptical for a few minutes. I couldn't manage much, though. In between the pains I had a heavy feeling in my bladder that made it impossible to NOT try to pee every few minutes.

After about a half hour of roaming around the house I felt nothing had changed. Disappointed, I crawled back into the bed with The Monkey and tried to go back to sleep. As if in response my body started sending the pains a bit quicker and a bit stronger. Hmm..... I poked The Monkey and told him I was contracting. Mmm hmm... was all he managed through his CPAP. Obviously we've been there done that and The Monkey wasn't convinced. (Then again, neither was I.) I took my Droid into the bathroom and got into a hot shower. Not only did the contractions not subside, they got more intense and closer together. At 3:00 AM they were 5 - 6 minutes apart, better than a minute long, and it was clearly time to head to the hospital (especially since it's an hour away).

The drive was uneventful. I had fairly steady contractions -- some a lot more painful than others. I kept worrying that by the time we arrived at the emergency room things would have fizzled and I would wind up looking like a complete fool. (My hope was that even if things did fizzle, they would check my cervix and that would hopefully kick start things into gear again.)

The ER was fairly dead. I sat down and began paperwork. They called L&D to come down and get me. Once upstairs the nurse began the tedious task of trying to hunt down and keep both babies on the monitor. I kept remember thinking "Please put the toco monitor on FIRST!" so I could see the contractions on the monitor. Sort of as a way to prove to myself that I wasn't crazy.

The babies were surprisingly cooperative and the nurse left for a few minutes after hooking everything up. Being strapped to those monitors is extremely uncomfortable. The belts were tight and itchy. (The edema in my lower tummy protested vehemently.) Thankfully I was, indeed, having contractions and they were, indeed, about five minutes apart. The nurse proceeded to check my cervix. It was the do or die moment. No progress would mean that I would be getting a very disappointing NST at 4:00 AM. So when the nurse said "5 - 6 cm, 80% effaced, and a bulging bag" my heart skipped a beat. She left to get paperwork started to have us admitted. She called the doc on call (not my OB but from my OB's practice and a very awesome doc) to come give his analysis. I was asked if I wanted an epidural (HELL YES, thanks!) and they played a short informational video while we waited.

Filling out paperwork during labor is fun stuff. They could've been asking me to sign away my first born and I wouldn't have known. (Thankfully spouses have to sign too. And no worries, both babies are ours to keep!) After signing a dozen things (had to sign things in pairs, y'know) they got my fingerprint and whisked us away to a L&D birthing suite. Shortly thereafter my sister and mom showed up. By then it was just after 5:00 AM. Little did I know I had a long, long road ahead of me. A long, long HUNGRY road!

Around 7:00 AM I was done with the two bags of fluids required for an epidural and the anathesiologist came in and got me set up with my epidural. It took all of five minutes (felt longer) and in no time I was feeling NO pain. Bliss. The nurse checked me again. I was at 6 cm, 80% effaced and Baby A was at -2 station. I had a nurse by my side pretty much non-stop because Baby A refused to stay on the monitor for more than a few seconds at a time. Finally the nurse got fed up and brought the doctor in to break my water so they could monitor her interally. Around 10:00 AM he came in and introduced himself. He wasn't my usual OB (from the same practice, though) but I was very comfortable with him. (I later found out that he and his wife went through several years of infertility and conceived their son through IUI as well.) I was 7 cm when they broke my water and we all expected things to progress rather quickly. The epidural made me start to itch a bit so the nurse gave me a shot of Benadryl. I dozed on and off until around noon when the nurse came back in to check me. I was a little disheartened to learn I was STILL at 7 cm. The nurse suggested a slow pitocin drip.

2:00 PM they started the pitocin. My contractions were regular but not peaking/strong enough. With only 2 cm left to go, I was totally on board with the pit. A couple hours later my contractions had only picked up slightly so they increased the dose. Another hour went by and the nurse came back for another check. I was 9 1/2 cm and fully effaced! Baby A was now at +2 station (which didn't surprise me seeing as how it felt like her head was between my thighs). They waited another half hour. I knew it would be baby time very soon and yet things still felt completely surreal. The contractions really started to pick up. Anyone who tells you an epidural makes all the pain go away is lying. I felt those later contractions (and even some of the earlier ones). I know they weren't as painful as they would have been without an epidural but I still felt them. The ones close to and during delivery hurt plenty.

At quarter til 7:00 PM the nurse came back in for my final check. Fully dilated, fully effaced -- ready for birth. Everything moved very quickly yet in slow motion. A nurse came in and prepped the warmer. Several other nurses started buzzing around me unhooking my bed and getting things ready to head to the OR. As a precaution, most twins are delivered in the OR. One of the reasons I chose an epidural was so IF I had to have an emergency section they wouldn't have to put me under general anethesia. I wanted my babies here safe and sound and I wanted to be fully alert for their arrival! A little after 7:00 off to the OR we went.

The OR was bright and a little intimidating. There were two nurses for each baby, a nurse for me, two anethesiologists, nurses to assist the doctor, the doctor himself (of course), and an intern that was kind enough to take pictures for us. The Monkey sad dutifully by my side and held my hand. After being all set up the doc said rather matter-of-factly -- let's have some babies!

I waited for the next contraction and everyone told me to push. And so I did as hard as I possibly could. But apparently I was doing something wrong. The doc looked up and said "Push like you're going to the bathroom." Oh, duh. I seem to remember my very experienced sister telling me the same thing. The next contraction came and I pushed the right way. My anesthesiologist began coaching me through pushing. The minutes felt like hours. Several pushes later I began crying and (very cliché, I know) began complaining about how I couldn't do it! The contractions hurt (the epi had been turned off). The pressure was unbearable. Another contraction came and I pushed with all my might. I felt the "ring of fire" I'd read about and the doctor and nurses said "Here she comes!" At 7:38 PM my daughter was born. It was the biggest feeling of relief when Baby A was finally out. I couldn't believe the relief! She cried immediately and I started bawling right along with her. I looked at The Monkey and he had tears streaming down his cheeks as well. I did it. WE did it. But I still had one more baby to go!

The doctor acted quickly. He (and I!) wanted to avoid a section so he grabbed a suction cup thing and grabbed Baby B before she had a chance to "swim away" so to speak. Three pushes and Baby B was out. A mere three minutes after her sister. While the girls got cleaned up and checked The Monkey and I looked at each other and smiled. We have babies! is what our eyes said. Then for the important part... names. It didn't take us long to decide on Abigail Hope and Hannah Faith.

Abigail Hope (Baby A) was born at 7:38 PM. She was 6 lbs 13 oz and 19 1/2" long. Her sister, Hannah Faith, was born at 7:41 PM. She weighed 6 lbs 14 oz and was 20" long. I was carrying around nearly 14 lbs of baby!! They were the most beautiful things I'd ever seen in my life.

The Monkey went with the girls to have all their 'newborn stuff' taken care of while I stayed in the OR to get stitched up. I wound up with a level II episiotomy.

And now for some pictures.



Waiting waiting waiting...



Proud daddy-to-be!



So happy to be in labor!!



Final belly shot. You know, I didn't realize it was quite that big!



The Monkey (right) and his brother (left).



Me with my mom and sister.



Getting ready to head to the OR. Yes I was a little frightened.



Tears of utter joy! My Baby A! My Abigail.



More happy tears! My Baby B! My Hannah.



She was very vocal. :)



Happy little family!



I hadn't eaten ALL DAY. I was starving!!



My girls. ♥



Oma and her girl. I honestly can't remember for sure but I think she has Abigail. *blush*



Aunt Mimi and Hannah



Mommy admiring beautiful Hannah.



Daddy holding Abigail.

thankful.

Oh so very thankful.

The holidays this year are different. Instead of going "Ugh, do we have to put up Christmas decorations??" I'm going "We are TOTALLY putting up decorations the day after Thanksgiving and when can we get a tree again??!" Years of wishing/hoping/longing/praying and here I am. I'm a mom. I'm a MoM, even. Which is twice as nice.

The two little critters are doing fabulously. The Monkey joked the other day how we sort of haven't earned our "twin badges" because our journey thus far (KNOCK ON WOOD) has been remarkably easy. They are just easy going babies.

We had our four month checkup on Friday and Abigail measured 26" and weighed 13 lbs 12 oz. My chunky monkey Hannah measured 25 3/4" and weighed 14 lbs 8 oz! They are growing up so fast it's unreal! They have these little discernible personalities. Abby is a screamer/drama/attention whore. Hannah is laid back/chill. They switch, of course, to keep us guessing but mostly those "roles" are consistent. They had their vaccines on Friday also. This time I didn't cry as much. :P Abby was a little more upset by the whole ordeal (see previous comment about drama queen) and had to be consoled a little longer. They ran a slight temp for a couple of days and were kind of lethargic but otherwise are doing well. Because they've been tossing and turning more we decided to transition them to their cribs. It's not that I wanted to, really, but it was ideal for all of us -- the girls included. So for the past four nights they've slept roughly 10 - 12 hours a night in their own room in their own cribs. :') My heart is torn between being thrilled and being sad that they're already that grown up.

Their clothing size varies. I have some 3 - 6 that still fits them but mostly they are in 6 monhts (Carter's), 6 - 9 months (Children's Place), and 6 - 12 months (Old Navy/Gap). Some of their 3 - 6 stuff still fits, though.

It's hard not to be grateful with a heart this full of joy and love. I'm still having some issues tweaking my meds but it's coming along. I am now on Prozac, Lamictal, Abilify, and Klonopin for mania PRN. Also taking Ambien for sleep when I can manage.

Next time I update I need to update regarding cloth diapering. If anything about parenthood agrees with me it's definitely fluff! I'm resisting my urge to try wool in fear that I'll like it too much and want to redo my entire stash. That's just NOT an option for a stash the size of mine (easily 200 diapers).

In the meantime I leave you with something I see EVERY MORNING:

Abby


Hannah

guess what?

I'm a mom.

And guess what becoming a mom didn't cure?

My mental illness. *gasp!* Yes interwebs I am still very much bipolar after giving birth to my two beautiful daughters. And it sucks! (Um, not being a mom. That's pretty awesome. Being a bipolar mom sucks.)

I seriously need to get my meds straight. I went back on them right after delivering but it has NOT managed to keep the mood swings under control. Not even a little bit. In fact, I can't ever remember being THIS bad while on a proper med cocktail. Ever. (The Zoloft treatment circa my uber-crazy late teen/early 20 years doesn't count. Monotherapy with an SSRI does not adequate bipolar treatment make.) Right now I'm on the 20mg of Prozac and 200mg of Lamictal I was on pre-pregnancy. I feel like I'm on freaking placebos.

Things heavy on my list right now: paranoia, excessive extreme guilt, flight of ideas (O. M. G.), rage/anger/outbursts, deep depressions with crying spells, overspending, guilt, and possibly maybe some mild transient psychosis.

Right now I am rational and I can process this. When I am at either end of the bipolar spectrum (manic/depressed) I cannot. Everything is MY fault. I'm a horrible mother. My children and husband deserve SO much better. The world would be better off without me. Blah blah blah...

The only thing I can think to do for the time being is talk to my pdoc (appointment on Tuesday) about some sort of antipsychotic for the time being. I don't know what else to do. Lamictal was such a miracle drug for me three years ago and now I might as well be taking Pez in its place. And I'm not sure if the Prozac is helping (keeping me from being too awfully depressed) or hurting (contributing to the dysphoric manias I've been dealing with lately).

But these two little creatures that I have. Wow. They are amazingly worth it. I know I can get through this. It may take another dozen medication tweaks but I know we can get my bipolar stabilized. We have to. Because these two little creatures have totally stolen my heart.

everything nice...

I love my perinatologist. He reminds me a lot of my RE (except she's, y'know, female) in that he talks to me and not at me. The entire staff at Sacred Heart is lovely. I know this is going to sound crazy but I'm grateful to be a 'high risk' patient. The doctors are so attentive and aim to quell my fears instead of dismissing me as some crazy worry wart.

The ultrasound was fantastic. They always are. I never tire of staring at the ultrasound screen in complete awe with a permagrin plastered on my face. I'm too overjoyed to even have tears of joy at this point. How silly. Both babies are very active (though I can't yet feel it). I've been noticing that the bigger they get, the harder they are to find with my doppler. I surmised that it was because they have so much room to wiggle around and do their acrobatics that they hardly sit still! Baby A is on my right side (head down...for now) and Baby B is on my left side happily kicking Baby A in the nose every now and again.

The ultrasound tech was awesome. She took her time and didn't just rush into doing measurements (they didn't last time, either). Both babies look excellent! Their growth is symmetrical (important for identical twins) and their fluid levels look nice and even. Both of their little hearts and brains look perfect. In a nutshell... so far, so good!

And seeing as how I'm 16w4d today they went ahead and took a peek between their legs. Baby A was bashful but Baby B readily showed us the goods and we are having TWIN GIRLS!! I'm beyond thrilled and amazed and... wow is this really happening to me?

And here is a peek at my two sweet girls! ♥ ♥

Baby A




Baby B




We're still tossing around names but I think we have a good idea who these little munchkins are going to be. :D

new(ish) hobby...

I've been baking for years.  It's only been recently that I started really getting into decorating my baked goods.  Specifically cakes.  I guess I started with my sister's baby shower cake in 2007.



And eventually I started getting more and more creative.  I started collecting things for decorating.  Piping tips; spatulas; cake plates...  I got tired of freehanding my writing so I found stencils.  A cake leveler.  Etc and so on.

Last year I decided to make Madison's second birthday cake in the shape of a 2.  I was extremely pleased with myself.




The inside of the cake was bright green as well.  I guess I impressed my niece Deborah because it wasn't long after Madison's birthday that she told me that she wanted a rainbow cake.  Her birthday is in June.  :P

And so my wheels started turning.  And I did some Googling on rainbow cakes.  And I thought about making her a seven layer cake with white frosting so she'd be all WOW! when she cut into it and each layer was a different color of the rainbow.  But then I started wondering about fondant.  And I asked around and found out that making your own fondant is remarkably easy.  (No, really.  As in melt a bag of mini marshmallow in the microwave for about a minute and a half with two tablespoons of water.  Stir every 30 seconds to ensure even meltage.  Coat a wooden spoon in Crisco.  Once melted, add in about a pound of powdered sugar and stir until a ball forms.  Coat hands thoroughly in Crisco.  Knead until fondant is the consistency of dough.  Refridgerate and use the next day.  SO easy.)  So, I figured what the hell and played with it.

And I had a blast.  And I think my practice cakes turned out pretty darn good!  My first practice cake was HUGE.  Two tiered and everything!  I attempted to "marble" all of the colored fondant together but didn't like the effect too much so I won't be doing that on the final cake.



I think I want to add some pearl dust to the final product, though, to make the fondant shiny.  At least the colored decor.  So here is my second practice cake.  I made the two layers with different recipes.  The top layer is the winner (finer texture/crumb; tastier; more moist).  I am thinking about trying out a better buttercream icing recipe.  The one I've been using is more of a "decorating" icing recipe and it's really overly sweet (and kinda greasy since Crisco is involved).



















I would say, overall, it took me about five hours (collectively) to do everything.  It's pretty labor intensive to make a rainbow cake (all the mixing involved you know).  Plus I only have ONE ten inch pan (MUST remedy that!) so I had to bake the cakes separately.  I baked the cakes the night before and crumb coated them with buttercream and allowed them to chill over night.  Then I applied another coat of buttercream before applying my fondant.  My fondant work isn't perfect but pretty damn good for an amateur (and only my second try)!

I can't wait to do it again.  :)

quoth the raven

Today it was absolutely GORGEOUS out. Mid-70s, sunny, breezy. No humidity to speak of, really. I love this weather. The weatherman says it is supposed to stay this way all through next week. I really hope he is right!

I've been toying with the idea of dying my hair. Since the color on top faded into a brassy red. (This is why I stopped loving red. I simply can't afford to keep it up.) Since the color underneath is a dark brown, almost black, I was considering trying out black. But I was scared to go with permanent dye. So I tried some semi-permanent Manic Panic dye today in Raven. It turned out nice! Now I just have to see how quickly it washes out/fades. Hoping it lasts through Sunday! If not, I have another jar and hopefully can convince my sister to touch it up for me. ;P

Because 10 Years is a LONG time...

But 25 is even longer...

Here are a few pictures of our vacation/visit so far. We went to my dad's house on Wednesday and surprised him. He had NO clue we were coming. He thought my oldest sister (who lives here in PA) was visiting us down in Alabama. It was a fantastic night that words can't even begin to describe. First it was just my sisters and me with the kids. Then my brothers all showed up. All seven of us kids were together for the first time EVER. The four of us (my sisters, brother, and I) were together for the first time in 25 years. We're going to have professional portraits done on Sunday. Tomorrow is Dad's 60th birthday party -- also a surprise.



It's hard to see the look on Dad's face in this picture but trust me, it was one of complete and utter disbelief! :D



Sitting next to Daddy. I think he was still in shock. He was grinning from ear to ear the whole time.



All four of us with Mommy for the first time in 25 years.

the good, the bad, and the beautified

It has been a HECTIC week. A week full of uncertainty and potential disaster.

It started last Friday evening when The Monkey came home from work doubled over. Kidney stone. It required a visit to the ER, copious IV painkillers, a CT scan, and labs. The stone was only 1 - 2mm in diameter so they sent him home all doped up and told him to come back if the excruciating pain returned and to follow up with a urologist. If/when he passed the stone, he did so without knowing it because he stopped straining his urine on Monday when he went back to work. But he hasn't had any further pain so we're confident that everything is okay. He still needs to see a urologist, though. He was on a medication called Urocit a couple of years ago to help prevent stone formation. We've been together for six years. This is the fourth stone he's had in that time. Poor guy!

So Friday night was boring. He was completely zonked and wound up falling asleep during the movie we tried to watch.

Saturday we got up early to get the house nice and tidy for my sister's return. I wanted to vacuum and straighten up and make sure the bathroom and everything was nice and clean. The Monkey was in a little bit of pain so he decided to go to Walgreens and fill his prescriptions (one for Flomax and one for Lortab 10). When he got back he told me that he couldn't get my car to start. WTF?! So I called my dad and he came over and gave my silver bullet a once over. He couldn't find the problem. He said it was most likely the camshaft sensor or the main computer. (The engine was turning over but it wouldn't start.) I was HIGHLY frazzled. Thankful, of course, that we have two vehicles and we'd still have transportation, but UPSET nonetheless. On Sunday we had dinner with my parents and my dad told me to go to AutoZone on Monday and get them to print out a diagram and instructions on how to remove/replace the camshaft sensor. Since The Monkey has an engine identical to mine, we could swap his and see if that was, indeed, the issue.

Thankfully it didn't even go that far. Upon much Googling, I discovered a message board for Alero owners. Someone had posted the same exact problem that I was having. Four of the five replies told the original poster to check their passlock. The passlock is an anti-theft device. When you put your key in the ignition, magnets align in a certain way and, provided it is the correct key and forms the correct alignment, the ignition switch sends a message to the onboard computer which then sends a message to your engine that says "fire fuel injectors". If someone tries to steal the car the passlock mechanism tells the computer to NOT tell the engine to fire the fuel injectors. No fuel, no start. And once the mechanism is tripped, the car won't start no matter how many times you try. Thankfully one of the people on the message boards had a fix. They said to leave the key in the ignition with the ignition switch turned to "On" and to leave it alone for at least 10 minutes. So I did just that, keeping my fingers crossed the whole time. When I finally went back out to my car the "SECURITY" light that had been flashing was out. I pulled the key out and then put it back in and cranked my car. It started right up!! I haven't had a problem with it starting since. Hooray!

But the car drama didn't end there. On Wednesday evening The Monkey and I were driving to Walmart and my check engine light popped on. I cursed a few times then said we were going over to my dad's promptly to find out what code was making the light come on. P0455, as it turns out which means there is an Evaporation Emissions Control System leak. In parantheses it said "Gross Leak" and I was prepared for the worst. Thankfully, once again, the issue didn't seem to be anything serious at all. My owner's manual said to delete the error code and tighten the gas cap. If the light came back on, there was a problem (which may be no more serious than needing a new gas cap). If it didn't come back on (which it hasn't) then it was most likely due to the gas cap being loose. Another bullet dodged.

But, alas, the car drama still doesn't end there! Yesterday I drove out to Birmingham for my RE appointment (more on that in a moment). It was a hellatious drive and one that I haven't made in a long time. It probably wouldn't have been so terrible if it weren't for all the road work. I hit some form or another on every major highway. I hit it twice on I-65 -- once in Montgomery and then again on the outskirts of Birmingham. Anyway, the ride was mostly uneventful, just a little longer than I'm used to. The way home was rough. I was tired and I hit a couple of storms so there were a couple of times where I had to do about 35 into 70. I left Birmingham around 3:00 and I didn't get back into town until almost 7:00. (Normally this drive takes me just under three hours.) I immediately went to our local Walgreens to pick up my prescriptions. When I turned into the parking lot my BRAKE warning light came on. And then, almost as quickly went back out. I pulled into a parking spot and pulled my hand brake. The light came on (as expected) and then went out when I released the brake. I thought it was a fluke until I turned into Arby's and the same thing happened. And then again when I turned onto a street in our neighborhood. And then again when I pulled into the driveway. The light didn't stay on, though. It was coming on and staying lit for 20 - 30 seconds and then going out. I immediately thought about the $650 brake job I had done a month ago. My front brakes are all brand new and my rear drums were cleaned and adjusted. The last thing I should be having problems with are my freaking brakes! Especially since I've only driven about 800 miles since they were changed and 400 of that was yesterday! Anyway, I called my dad this morning and asked him if my brake fluid could be low. He said it would absolutely cause the problem but just filling it with brake fluid wouldn't solve the underlying problem. Brake systems are self contained. You should rarely, if ever, have to add brake fluid to the resevoir. If you do, there is a leak somewhere. Just. Freaking. Fantastic. So, sure enough, when he opened the fluid resevoir it wasn't just low it was EMPTY. Like seriously BONE DRY. So my dad, after chastising me for taking my car to "amateur mechanics" instead of him, took a look at my calipers and brake lines. Sure enough, the lines were leaking. I was furious to say the least. I told my dad I was taking it back to Expert Tire so they could fix the issue. It was, after all, an issue THEY caused. I've never had this problem before they did the brake job. My dad was afraid that they would call me a silly girl and tell me that the moisture I saw was simply due to the roads being wet from all the rain (nevermind the fact that the lines were perfectly dry except where the connections were) so he called them up before sending me over. They had me in and out in a half hour. Something about a bad O-ring, which they replaced. Nevertheless, I plan to keep an eye on my brake fluid levels. If it starts to go down, I'll be taking it back again. Only THIS time, I'll be bringing my dad, a veteran Army mechanic, along with me. :P

I have to say that my day started off pretty well, though. At my appointment yesterday they drew labs and then I had my annual exam. This morning they called back with the results which are as follows:

• TSH was above three. They like to see it below three and told me to keep taking the 50mcg of Synthroid as directed.


• Cholesterol was normal! A big shocker since PCOSers are predisposed to high cholesterol and I'm not exactly the ideal build.


• CBC showed that my iron count was low. It should be 11.5 or higher and mine was 10.3. They stared me on iron supplements. I am not looking forward to the constipation.


• My pap cultures all came back normal. Hooray again!


• Last, but not least, my fasting insulin was an astounding 5.3!! My jaw hit the floor when she said that. I was totally prepared for it to be much higher than that! For reference sake, when I was first diagnosed with PCOS and insulin resistance in 2006 my level was above 24. After my first month on metformin it dropped to 12. In two subsequent labs it was 10 and then later on 14. So it has NEVER been this low! She said it was an excellent level. I am not sure how skewed this result might be. Your supposed to be fasting for 8 - 12 hours before they draw blood. I didn't have anything to eat after 8:00 PM on the 29th and they didn't draw the blood for the labs until 1:00 PM on the 30th. Even still, I imagine it couldn't have been too much higher. I'm to continue taking 1500mg of metformin daily. I specifically asked for the immediate release instead of the extended release which they had no problem with.

I started my Synthroid today. The effects on my appetite were incredible. I had to force myself to eat lunch. I have to take it on an empty stomach and am not supposed to eat for at least a half hour afterwards. I wound up being so caught up in getting ready for my busy day that it was nearly 11:00 before I ate anything. I started to feel woozy and scarfed down a sandwich. But every time I thought about eating a bagel or something it just didn't sound appealing. Which is really different since that's what I've been having for breakfast for a couple of weeks now. A cinnamon bagel with cinnamon swirl cream cheese. Or a blueberry bagel with strawberry and cheesecake flavored cream cheese. [drool] I was pretty ravenous at dinner time so I need to make a point about eating smaller meals throughout the day. AF made a rather timely appearance and I'll be starting my birth control pills (Desogen) tonight as well. I'm really hoping this combo of meds will help make losing weight that much easier. My RE and the nurses were all astounded by my weight loss. I've lost 30 pounds since the beginning of the year. I had to make sure and emphasize that I'd gained about 40 pounds in 2008. :P Still, it was nice to get the pats on the back for my efforts and encouragement to keep going. I also found out that my sister's scale is DEAD ON accurate. I weighed myself before I left (being sure to have my clothes on) and I weighed the same amount at the doctor's office.

Today I had a semi-busy day. I had to go to the DMV to register our cars. Today was the last day to do it without the $15 per vehicle penalty. The line was pretty long but the wait wasn't bad at all. Unfortunately, I wish I'd driven out to Dale county to reregister them instead of doing it in Coffee because we wound up having to pay an extra $25 for city tax or something. I could've saved money even though I would've had to drive 28 miles. [shrug] It's just as well, though. Then I took my car to Expert Tire. And then I headed to my stylist to have my hair done. Which, I must say, turned out positively fabulous as usual!



A view from the front.



A view from the back to show the contrasting colors of the top layers vs. the bottom layers.

It's a bit different from the colors I did in March. The bottom layers are the same dark, almost black brown. But the top is much more red than it was in March. Which means it won't fade out quite as nicely but that's okay. Now I'm all set up for portraits when we go up north!

We are leaving here at midnight on the 3rd (well, technically, the 4th). The drive is going to take an estimated 17 hours. I'm wishing I could get a hold of a really GOOD radar detector to cut down our travel time, though. I need to procure a car charger for my iPod so I have some form of entertainment. Reading is out of the question as I get motion sickness quite easily. I wish we could take my sister's Suburban because it's fully loaded, DVD player and TV included. But we won't all fit so we're taking my mom's Trailblazer instead. Only three more days to go! I'm very excited to see everyone! Even if I didn't quite meet my weight loss goal.

And now to go lie down and relax and hopefully pass out after my full day.

obligatory "new hair' post

Everyone should have a stylist like mine. In the [almost] five years I've been going to her, I think I brought a picture in to show her once. Maybe twice. Every other time I sort of let her do her own thing and I've never walked out of her salon dissatisfied. Never. Not even a little bit.

Today was no exception. The only stipulations I gave her were that I didn't want bangs that I couldn't shove behind my ears and that I wanted to be able to still get all of my hair into a ponytail. (And, actually, the latter stipulation was her daughter's because she didn't want me using my hair being "too hot" to weasel out of walking. :P) And I told her what I wanted as far as color went and let her choose good colors for my skin tone, etc. She's never failed me and I trust her wholeheartedly with my 'do. If I wasn't so dead set on keeping my hair long(ish) right now, I would've let her pick a funky short style for me (as I've done in the past).

So this is the before picture (just for comparison's sake):



And here's my new 'do:





Stylish, easy to manage, and a tiny bit sassified. The color underneath is a dark, dark, dark (almost black) brown. On top I have a rich auburn/red-brown shade. With maybe a hint of violet-red undertones in the right light. It freaking rocks. Now to "suffer" through two days of not shampooing. Gaaah!

so it goes

So far 2009 has been okay. Tolerable at least. The Monkey is employed and that is definitely a good start. However I have vowed to make this my year to get healthy and have not gotten off my lazy ass to do a single thing. But at least I have a plan in the works. The friend at Verizon (henceforth referred to as Banana) has become a bit of an exercise nut over the past year and a half. She walks somewhere between six and 10 miles a night. I would love to walk with her but she lives 30 miles from us so she's not exactly an 'ideal' walking buddy. But she does work here in town and offered to walk with me on her lunch break for at least a half hour, Monday through Friday. I agreed. While it may seem like these are plans that are easily broken I can assure you that they are most definitely not. She simply won't let me off the hook and for some reason I feel obligated to sort of prove that I can do it. I'm not going to lie -- I don't like to exercise. I don't enjoy it. I never have. I've tried all sorts of different things from step aerobics to a complex gym regimen involving cardio and weights but never found anything that held my interest. The only reason I ever got down to 145 was thanks to an eating disorder and a very active job at Outdoor Recreation. I hope that once I get started with exercising I will stay motivated to keep going this time around. I am really quite miserable in my own skin but I cannot honestly ever remember a time when I was not miserable in my own skin. Conundrum. Even still, I have to at least try to do something to get this weight off. Maybe having allowed myself to get this far gone if when I get back to a reasonable weight I won't dog myself out so damned much. (Not likely but miracles can happen, right?)

In an attempt to make myself more receptive towards a year of change I decided to color my hair. It's very close (if not identical) to my natural hair color. I joked with my BFF and told her I dyed it and that I am an 'unnaturally natural brunette' now. I didn't take pictures today but I'll definitely get a couple tomorrow and post them. It'll definitely be easier to maintain than the reds I've been wearing for the past several years which will make it easier to grow my hair long again as I won't have to color it every few months to disguise my roots. I was looking through some old pictures of my hair and came across the pictures of when my hair was nearly to my waist. It almost made me want to cry! But it's just hair and it grows back (thankfully pretty quickly in my case). I'm sure once it is long again I'll ache for a short choppy look and wind up whacking it all off on a whim. It never fails. :P But it's change and change is good.

Speaking of change, I've been neglecting my shiny new eyeshadow palette as of late in favor of a more natural, neutral look. I've been experimenting with mostly moderate browns and champagnes instead of spending oodles of time obsessing over expertly matching my eyeshadow to my outfit. Today I used matte purples (Urban Decay Matte Eyeshadow Trio in Haze). It looked pretty but I prefer shiney shadows when it comes to colors like purple. Yesterday I experimented a bit with a look I found on Sephora.com. It was an Urban Decay look called Sharp Smokey Eyes. I've had a hard time "mastering" the smokey look because to pull it off you have to do a fair amount of blending. My sister is awesome when it comes to blending but whenever I blend it seems I don't blend enough (which leaves harsh lines) or over blend (which nearly obliterates the color completely). The Sharp Smokey Eye looked easy enough and, incidently, I had all of the components the look called for. So I gave it whirl.

eXtrEme close-ups:





Not-so-close-up:



It was, by far, the easiest smokey look I have tried to date. The only real problem I had with it was the black eyeliner. Urban Decay makes an awesome eyeliner pencil. It is remarkably creamy and very pigmented (like all of their products) so a little goes a long way. But try as I may to get a nice, thin line around my lashes I just couldn't. So my liner is quite a bit thicker than the model's. But for an amateur, I think I did pretty well. I really like the look, and though I don't find it suitable for 'everyday' wear, I will be trying it again next time I get dressed up for a special occasion or a night out.

holiday baking madness 2008

Back in 2002, my sister started a Christmas baking tradition. On a whim, she bought a few of those "holiday baking" magazines/cook book things and we thumbed through them together citing which recipes were drool-worthy (almost all of them) and which ones we just had to make. That year, my sister churned out Christmas cookies like a mad woman, even though she had just given birth to my nephew David just a month earlier. I think it served as a distraction to other things that were going on at the time. At any rate, the desserts that made the cut were Fudge Puddles, Cream Cheese Sugar Cookies, Chocolate Star Gingersnaps, Chocolate Covered Cherry Cookies, Chocolate Cherry Cheesecake (OMG, to die for), Snowballs (peanut butter balls coated in white chocolate), and White Fudge and Chocolate covered pretzels. She really went all out. I made Ginger Scones that year reminiscent of my Thanksgiving visit to California.

I haven't made Ginger Scones since but I did take up the tradition of homemade Christmas cookie baking in 2006. I scoured the Internet and found the recipes that my sister had used for all the cookies she'd baked and dutifully churned out cookies all day long while somehow maintaining a holly jolly mood. I even baked about 10 dozen (no joke) of rolled sugar cookies for the kids to decorate. (Which I wound up decorating by myself because the kids never showed up.) Needless to say, the cookies were a huge hit with the family and not a single crumb went to waste.

Last year's cookie-baking-palooza wasn't nearly as involved. I decided to forego the sugar cookies because I wasn't up for rolling them out or decorating them. My niece, Deborah, spent the day at the trailer with Tony, Scott, and me and helped me bake a few dozen Fudge Puddles, Chocolate Star Gingersnaps, pecan, pumpkin, and Tollhouse chocolate chip pies. It's understandable that I wasn't really in a particularly holly jolly mood last Christmas. The thought that I should've been huge with a overbearing baby belly simply got the best of my Christmas spirit. I just didn't have it in me.

This year I went all out (again). I started baking at noon today and I am just now sitting down for the first time in about nine hours. My feet are killing me, my back hurts, I desperately need to shower and brush my teeth (which feel a little fuzzy from the bits of taste testing I did today), and I definitely need to pop a muscle relaxer and a Lortab to rid myself of the headache that is threatening to incapcitate me. Overall, though, I feel very accomplished. We have roughly eight dozen Chocolate Star Gingersnaps, six dozen Chocolate Covered Cherry Cookies, two and a half dozen of Cream Cheese Sugar Cookies, and four dozen Fudge Puddles. All baked, cooled, and placed neatly in festive tins. Michelle and I are going to finish baking probably about six dozen more Cream Cheese Sugar Cookies tomorrow. I prepared several bags of Royal Icing in various colors for the kids to use to decorate the sugar cookies. I am also planning to bake two Ooey Gooey Butter Cakes tomorrow along with some Peanut Butter cookies for my dad and regular old Chocolate Chip cookies for Tony. Michelle is going to bake her Chocolate Cherry Cheesecake and make Oreo Truffles tomorrow as well.

Despite all my aches and pains, I did have a good day. I played and sang along with Christmas music. I wore festive knee socks with my green capri sweats and a red t-shirt. And, best of all, I know that my family will go ga-ga over my hard labor when they decidedly devour my cookies en masse. May they all gain a good 15 pounds this Christmas on me!

And, just for fun, I took some pictures to commemorate my cookie-baking endeavors...


Me, as is. (Haven't showered, no makeup, hair a wreck... yikes!)


Festive feets! (I <3 my socks!)


I used an entire bottle of vanilla extract, five pounds of white sugar, two pounds of brown sugar, three pounds of butter, a pound of cream cheese, three pounds of confectioner's sugar, two jars of maraschino cherries (stems on, please), and five pounds of flour. Just to name a few...

This is what my cats were doing while I was busting my arse in the kitchen...


Jasmine


Olivia


William


Chocolate Star Gingersnaps in the making...


Chocolate Star Gingernaps getting ready for the oven...


Chocolate Star Gingersnaps all done! Don't they look yummy? They are my favorite!


Choclate Covered Cherry Cookie dough


Chocolate Covered Cherry Cookies all done! C'mon, I know you're drooling!


Fudge Puddles sans the "fudge puddle" part. (Basically a peanut butter cookie base.)


Fudge Puddles all done! They are sinfully delightful.


Michelle rolling out Cream Cheese Sugar Cookies. (She took care of the part of baking sugar cookies that I hate!)


Fun with food coloring and Royal Icing


A few of the finished Cream Cheese Sugar Cookies. (I frosted one of the stars for fun. :P)


Michelle being goofy with the Chocolate Covered Cherry cookies. (I did the cookie part, she put on the finishing touches. It was a group effort!)


My sister -- the Martha Stewart wannabe (sans the stint in jail, of course).