looks like I'll be eating my words

Yep. I went in for my beta this morning (at 9:00 AM which meant leaving here at quarter after 7:00) and then I waited. And waited. And waited.

And went shopping in the meantime (I'm doing a Crimson Tide cake for my sister's friend's son's 16th birthday this weekend). I tried to kill as much time as possible. I'd stuck an Answer Early Result in my purse and it was burning a hole in it. After about two and a half hours of holding my bladder I caved and slipped into the bathroom in Ulta and busted out my pee stick.

Sadly, I didn't see a line. There might have been something faint; barely visible. I was disheartened, I will admit. But the thing was, I'd gotten a really strong positive on a cheapie strip early in the morning (but a negative on a Clearblue Digital).

You want to talk about HPT HELL.

Usually I get results fairly quick. I knew they wouldn't leave my results on my patient voicemail but I kept calling it anyway. Of course today of all days they didn't call me until 4:00 PM. By then I was going nuts. I peed on two more cheapie strips (both were positive immediately) and decided to dunk my last digital when the second one came up with a really good line. I was staring at that little blinking hourglass when my phone rang. Just as the nurse said "Congratulations it was positive!" the digital popped up "Pregnant."

Shock. Disbelief. Excitment. Fear. All of the above.

My beta was 31.6 and my progesterone had dropped from 25.7 to 10.5 so they increased my supplements (three times a day up the hoo-hah).

So, that's that. It has been three and a half years since my miscarriage. I do hope that this little one (or little ones) stick around for the long haul. Yesterday I laid on the bed and The Monkey moved in like he was going to "squish" me (we do this frequently) but I screamed "NO! There might be a baby in there!" (I was kidding with him, of course.) He said "Oh ok. Don't wanna squish the sea monkey." Heh.

[deep breath]

IUI #2 = probable fail

Which sucks because I was stupid enough to get my hopes up when the Clearblue Easy +/- test came up with a + within a minute. But I know better than to trust blue dye tests. And the Answer I took with the same cup of wizz was negative. I thought I saw something on the ICs I bought but I'm sure now that it was my imagination because the CBE Digital said 'Not Pregnant.' I am 10 DPO. I know that there's still a sliver of a chance of hope that things might change between now and my beta on Thursday morning but I'm not betting on it.

I'm scheduled for another laparoscopy (#3) on November 12th. As soon as I get the results from my beta on Thursday I plan to book our hotel (or, y'know, eat my words). We stayed at a really awesome hotel for our IUI and I want to stay there again. Their breakfast was good and they had an evening snackbar thing included with the room. (We missed out on that for the IUI because of the fire on I-65 and the two hour traffic jam we hit because of it.)

I'm not sure what to feel at the moment. I'm just... so tired. Our RE wants to get one more cycle in before the end of the year. I guess that means I'll be getting baselines right around my 30th birthday.

I can only hope that this lap will have similar results to lap #1 (wherein I got PG the cycle following).

I have to say there is a tiny, tiny part of me that's looking forward to a month off. I am definitely looking forward to asking for BCPs and hopefully losing a few of the pounds that I packed on these past three cycles (two IUIs and one natural). Fifteen pounds to be precise. All of my jeans are snug. Not tight but these are the very same jeans that were falling off me.

We decided...

That if we get pregnant with twins we are going to call them "The Twinkies." :P

Follie scan went fantabulous this morning. I have four measurable follies and a smaller 11mm that most likely won't catch up. Measurements were 18mm, 2 x 15mm, and 13mm. My E2 was a stellar 532! I think maybe the DIM supplement I've been taking is working quite well!

So, I took my hCG trigger tonight and we are headed to Bham tomorrow evening and staying overnight because IUI will be at 7:30 AM Saturday and The Monkey said he didn't know how "in the mood" he would be if we had to get up at 3:30 AM and drive! Can't says I blame him there! We are thinking about catching a movie tomorrow evening.

In other news I am incredibly excited about Halloween! We are having it at my sister's instead of here and her garage is perfect. The walls are dark and it kind of feels cave-like. We have big plans for decorating. The Monkey and I stopped in Spencer's this afternoon and I'll be damned if I didn't find some really AWESOME decorations that were on clearance! I paid $31 for two eerie looking mirrors with skulls holding black roses (they have a candle holder in front of the mirror). Then I found two neat looking skull things -- one is a tea light holder and the other is an LED thing. Really super cool. I am thinking we'll go back to Spencer's and check out some of the other things. I'm also (of course!) doing all of the baking and sweet snacks. We're also going to do punch and some savory snacks.

Yeah. Super excited!

Then it's going to be time to prep to make my nephews' birthday cakes by the 10th. And then Madison's birthday cake at the end of November. And my mom wants me to make a cake for her boss' birthday. Then my sister's birthday at the beginning of December.

Anyone want to volunteer to make my birthday cake?? It's my 30th after all! :P

Ok, going to bed now and hoping that I can get some rest and that tomorrow goes by quickly!

Oh, and also there was this:


We went out to eat before coming home and I was terribly tickled by our fortune's. The Monkey's is on top, mine is on the bottom. :D

hmmm...

So it seems this cycle is off to a much better start! Today's follie check went well. I was very surprised that tonight is NOT going to be trigger night but I have FOUR potential follies growing nicely. And growing close together (in size) too! On the right she measured on at 13mm and one at 11mm. The left had one at 11mm and one at 9mm. So I'll stim tonight and tomorrow and go back for more blood work and another ultrasound. (Which, did I mention, is getting REALLY expensive with my out of pocket cost at 50%.) Anyway, so we'll probably (most likely) trigger on Thursday night and then go in for the IUI on Saturday morning. Which is perfectly okay with us because The Monkey won't have to take off work for it. :)

Oh, and best of all, my estradiol was 298.4!! That is the highest it has ever been (except for trigger day on our BFP cycle; even then it was only in the 330s with three mature follies).

SO. I am feeling very hopeful today. And now I am going to go change out of my pumpkin tie-dye t-shirt and into my Colts t-shirt and get ready for my niece and nephew's football game! I wish it were cooler out, though. But we can't have it all. ;)

la la la can't hear you!

I used to think the 2WW was torture. Now I know that waiting for IUI day is the bane of my existence. My first monitoring appointment went okay. I know I know I KNOW that it "only takes one" to get pregnant. I know I know I know. But for crying out loud it would really be great to have more than one follicle developing so we'd have a chance at more than one egg so our chance at pregnancy would be increased -- no matter how minute that increase might be. Still, realistically, another follicle or two could catch up. I really hope so. There was some promising news. My E2 was 99.9 on day 9 and it was a dismal 60.4 on day 10 last cycle. So hopefully that's a good sign.

Anyway.

As of Friday (CD 9) I have one follicle at 10mm. I am on 150IU of Follistim so this is pretty annoying. They decided to have me stim through tomorrow and come back on Tuesday. I'm pretty much banking that we'll trigger on Tuesday and go in for our IUI on Thursday morning. We're planning on going out to eat at Cheesecake Factory afterwards because I've never eaten there and it sounds like a nice way to treat ourselves.

One of my biggest worries at this point is hitting our lifetime maximum. I think we're already up to $4,000 and our max is $15k. Unfortunately meds count against our lifetime max and that's what's killing us, really. The upside of all this is that I've already met my out of pocket maximum for this year. Which means if this cycle fails next cycle is a freebie. :P Silver lining, I guess.

I'm just so ready for this ride to be over. This neverending chapter of my life.