Fucking mood swings. I hate being bipolar. I hate being off meds. Life sucks, it's not fair, yes I'm throwing a temper tantrum.
My heart started palpitating almost non-stop yesterday. I've been having PVC couplets (bigeminy/trigeminy) since then. They'd stopped last night after I went to the ER and was given two grams of IV magnesium sulfate but they've started again. WTF am I supposed to do?? No one can give me a solid answer. I can't live like this. Tony and I fought last night and I have no idea why. Maybe because I verbally wished myself dead. Yeah, that's probably it.
My ER experience was lousy. First I had to explain to the nurses that a pregnancy test would come up positive but I'm NOT pregnant. They looked completely clueless when I told them I'd had a shot of hCG two days ago. The doctor was actually nice and [gasp!] he said "Do you have PCOS?" when I mentioned that I was on Metformin but didn't have diabetes. I told him I was impressed. So many doctors are CLUELESS. He wants me to see a cardiologist because my magnesium was low but not so low that they should be really concerned.
The one nurse got on my case because I hadn't taken my magnesium in about a week. I let myself run out because I'm a moron. Sue me. She gave me some stupid speech about how if I'm trying to get pregnant I have to take extra special care of my body. I looked at her and said "Look, I've been trying for almost five years, I know what I need/have to do." I hate that fucking hospital. They're so clueless.
I'm angry. I have homework to finish and I can't motivate myself to do it. I just want to curl up on the couch and watch Spongebob.
I guess it's a good thing I have therapy next week.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
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2 comments:
Wow, I'm so glad you're ok. I had the same problem too when I went to the hospital after my ER. Of course my pg test came up positive and the nurses couldn't seem to understand that I wasn't pregnant. Fucking idiots. ER people are unfortunately like the rest of the world, completely clueless about IF. Anyways, I hope that you're feeling better soon. And just so you know, you ARE important and there are a lot of ppl who would miss you if you were gone. ((((HUGS))))
I know I'm late responding to this but I'm still getting caught up from being gone last week.
I too am very glad you are ok. And I too echo Daisy's comment of "fucking idiots".
Now. I just want to say that I can't imgine what it's like to be bipoler. I'm not and so I'm not going to try to guess. But it seems like it would be rough. And I'm sorry you have to deal with it. And don't talk about offing yourself. It makes me sad.
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