autumn eyes are winter weary

I'm feeling pretty blasé the last few days. I'm not sure why. Ok, so I know why. I'm bipolar; THAT'S why. But still... My BIL is leaving for North Carolina for two weeks so my sister is sad. She likes me to keep her company when he's gone so I'll probably be spending a lot of time with her and the kiddos. She posted pics of all four kids on her MySpace. Each one has their own album and she took pics of them growing up; from birth to present. I looked at my oldest nephew's pics and immediately started to cry. I was still a "baby" (13 going on 14) when he was born. I remember babysitting and giving him lollypops. Now he's the age I was when he was born. And he's so handsome! They're really wonderful kids and I love them to death. It makes my heart soar that they love my husband just as much as they love me. Sometimes more! David - the youngest - has a habit of asking me "Where's uncle Tony?" as soon as he sees me. No "Hello Auntie Lissa!" just the "Where's uncle Tony?" It's cute. Sometimes they make me flip flop back and forth between really wanting my own and really wanting to be able to spoil them for the rest of their lives. Hmmm. Can't I do both??

Sad sad sad. So much melancholy for this restless mind. Tired of living in cycles of up and down. Sometimes I just feel trapped; a prisoner in my own mind. I'm waiting to break free; always waiting to break free.