be kind, rewind

Let's recap. In the past five years I have been through seemingly endless treatments. I've done rounds upon rounds of Clomid - no success. Then I started treatments with an RE of my very own (Dr. Honea) and was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and insulin resistance - something I knew I had long before I was officially diagnosed. Then I had my first of three HSGs at which time I was diagnosed with a blocked tube. Then I had a laparoscopy/hysteroscopy to remove polyps that were blocking said tube. Everything looked fine elsewhere. Two months later I experienced the most heartbreaking event of my life - the miscarriage of a baby I just knew I was meant to have. A year later we hadn't had any further success despite using stronger and more effective fertility drugs (injectables). Then I had my first of two SIS procedures, the second of which revealed the regrowth of the polyps I'd had removed just a short year ago. A week ago I had my annual physical at which time it came to light that I have hypothyroidism. Now I'm on Synthroid and Glucophage on top of my meds for bipolar disorder. Yesterday I had my second laparoscopy/hysteroscopy during which polyps were removed and a D&C was performed. My tubes are both open, which is a small victory, but they discovered Stage II endometriosis - another diagnosis to add to my ever growing list of diagnoses.

Five years. Five long years and I have nothing to show for it except a long, long list of diagnoses and procedures that I now have under my belt. And a gaping hole in my heart that my little Buttefly was supposed to fill.

I'm tired but I'm not ready to give up. I'm in pain but I have to remember it's going to be worth it. Someday.

I'm not sure how long it's going to be before we can start trying again. Probably at least one cycle. So that blows our chances for a 2008 baby. But I'm happy with the increased chances of a 2009 baby.

Post-op appointment is on the 27th. Hopefully we'll know more about our chances then.