but... I want to be happy

Still unable to pull myself out of this funk. It's more than a "funk" now, though. It's definitely full blown depression. Being depressed sucks the fun out of everything in life. Even things that I normally enjoy just don't seem as enjoyable.

I went to therapy yesterday and divulged everything to my therapist - including the suicidal thoughts/feelings and the handful of muscle relaxers. So why am I not inpatient? Well, I have years of experience and I know how to get out of these things. Basically she mad me commit to not hurting myself (or others) which I reluctantly agreed to. I did say that I couldn't guarantee anything, though.

I don't know what to do with myself.