one is the lonliest number...

That's it. Just one lonely follicle on the right side. The two that had potential on the left side didn't catch up. I hope that this is our "golden egg" because... [sigh] I'm just so ready for the infertility chapter of my life to be OVER.

Still waiting to hear back from my RE on my bloodwork results and things. Most likely I'll be triggering tonight and then we'll go to the office on Wednesday morning for the IUI.

Update: Heard from the RE. Trigger shot tonight and IUI around 10:00 AM Wednesday. E2 was on the low-ish side (137) but my Googling says that E2 can and usually is lower in we fluffy types.

One egg. I really hope it's the one.

countdown to the 2WW

My ovaries are officially sore. The Monkey came over to "squish" me on the bed (we do this a lot) and I screamed in pain because he squished me on the tummy and it hurt. He felt bad, poor guy.

I'm extremely anxious but also excited. But probably more anxious.

So to take my mind off of things The Monkey is going to take me out shopping for a shiny new KitchenAid standing mixer! [insert jumpy emoticon here] Then I think I will come home and bake something -- anything -- to try it out. I will probably wind up with the classic model even though the professional series is really drool worthy.

The Monkey turns 37 in a week.

follie scan tomorrow...

I'm reading into things. This whole week I've happened to look at the clock on triple digits (my sister told me to make a wish)... Monday it was 4:44, then 5:55, 3:33, 2:22 the two days after... Then yesterday I was sitting in the truck waiting for my sister and I looked out the window to see a bright green (color of fertility) grasshopper just chillin' on my window. Grasshoppers are considered a fertility symbol as well. I have this long story about why the grasshopper was really significant to me that I'll have to share another time.

So... I took a cue from a few others (specifically I remember her post about her good luck charm and, of course, the lucky socks. So I had my mom string me a "fertility bracelet" for luck. It is moonstone and rosequartz with a turtle charm. All symbolic of fertility in some way or another.

restless mind... meet EASE

I walked to the mailbox this afternoon actually expecting it to be empty. Instead, it was full (got a shipment of medication). Underneath the package there were a few pieces of mail. One of which appeared to be a US Treasury check -- addressed to me. I opened it last afraid it would burst my bubble.

But it did not. It was my lump sum back pay for SSDI. My attorney got paid off the top so the remainder (that I got paid) is ours.

Today, relief is spelled V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!

Also, day four of injections went just fine. The teensy Follistim needles are all 'pshaw... is that all you got?" And I got a full extra dose out of the 300 IU cartridge FTW! I'm expecting something similar out of the Gonal-F pens. So I have a little bit left in my Follistim pen which I fully intend on using tomorrow and I'll finish up my dose with a second injection of Gonal-F. Thursday I go for my follicle scan. Hoping to see a minimum of three growing but I'll settle gladly for two, though. Well, to be perfectly honest, I'll be overjoyed with one good egg that results in a real, live take-home-baby!

The Monkey's birthday is coming up. I was having major issues coming up with a cake design that I could actually handle. Most of the things he enjoys would be exceptionally complicated and/or artsy (e.g. a WoW themed cake). So then I got to thinking about the time I was taking one of my many IT courses and The Monkey was helping me understand how to read binary. Then he showed me a binary clock which was exceptionally cool once I got the hang of reading it. I thought about making him a binary clock cake (which would be simple) but then I thought... binary... The Matrix! He's a total Matrix junkie. I can hardly watch The Matrix with him because he knows the dialogue so well. So I'm trying to search for designs that I can scam off of. :P With the back pay safely in our bank account, I fully intend on going out and buying myself the Kitchen Aid standing mixer I've been drooling over for... oh years now. They have it in a very pretty yellow at Bed Bath & Beyond. No more sore elbow for me! Huzzah!

Epic Day!

I went to check the mail this afternoon and there was an envelope from the SSA waiting. I held my breath as I opened it.

At the top of the letter it simply stated Decision: Fully Favorable.

PURE UNADULTERATED RELIEF!!!

No check yet but surely that will come soon. (Fingers crossed anyway.) Also my backpay will go all the way back to May when I stopped working. That's 27 months of backpay. My mind is pretty much in a state of whoa.

This battle is finally won!

upcoming upcomings...

I find myself suddenly worked up about our upcoming IUI cycle. I am 12 DPO today (er, yesterday); my temp is dangerously close to my coverline and my uterus has been doing that you-might-want-to-carry-or-even-possibly-wear-a-pad thing all day.

We're supposed to go back to Birmingham for several different things. A few of which we've put off specifically to try and save a trip (or two). The Monkey needs to have his testosterone and other hormone levels rechecked. He also needs to have his CBC redone along with his fasting insulin (to make sure his metformin dosage is working properly). They'll also test his kidney and liver function (to make sure the met isn't, you know, killing him slowly). They'll also have him repeat his semen analysis to see if and how much the Clomid has helped. Fingers crossed that it has helped at least somewhat; hopefully significantly!

I need to have a repeat mycoplasma culture done. And also a baseline ultrasound and possibly bloodwork. Baseline ultrasounds on CD 2 or 3 are always a blast as many of you know. Poking around at a sore, swollen uterus with the dildo cam -- definitely my idea of a good time. [eyeroll] Also the mycoplasma culture means they will be torturing my cervix. Double the fun! But at least we won't have to drive to Birmingham three times in two weeks. They'll also do repeat blood draws on me and they need to recheck my thyroid to make sure my Synthroid dosage is still right.

My recent worries, however, are due to cost issues. Our insurance coverage has me completely confused. I looked at our claims statements from our first return visit to our RE and then my visit alone for my SIS procedure. Everything they did on The Monkey was covered at a rate of 90/10 -- our payment being the 10%. Everything they did on me -- including the SIS procedure -- was covered at a rate of 50/50. Now, color me confused because when the hell is a semen analysis done but to diagnose infertility?? So then I looked up our coverage details and found information showing that infertility "diagnosis and treatment" is supposed to be covered at the 90/10 rate with IUI covered at a rate of 50/50 and IVF/GIFT/ZIFT not being covered at all. (When I originally spoke with financial and gave them our new insurance info, this is the information I got from them as well.) So I do not understand the 50/50 rate. But then I found another summary of coverage that said the rate for infertility was 50/50 across. WTF?? I don't understand how that could be the case and they would charge the 90/10 rate for Tony's treatments. I haven't yet received any bills but I know they are coming. One will be for almost $200 for all my bloodwork, PAP, and mycoplasma culture. The second will be $125 for my SIS procedure. I know I probably shouldn't be bitching. I know that lots of people don't have infertility coverage period. And I am grateful that we have coverage! But when you are prepared to pay 10% of incurred costs and you're hit with 50% instead... well, you tend to get pissed off.

I am going to require at least five more blood draws (repeat fasting labs, baselines, mid-cycle labs around trigger time, a progesterone check, and a beta), a repeat mycoplasma culture (hopefully just one), and two ultrasounds. Tony is getting his fasting labs repeated and repeating his semen analysis. Then we have to pay for meds and the IUI itself (which are the only costs I'm actually sure of at this point). And this is not to mention the gas it's going to take to get to and from Birmingham (and then hopefully only Montgomery). I keep hearing "cha-ching... cha-ching..." in my head.

My temp dropped below my coverline this morning so I'm likely to start sometime today or tomorrow. CD 1 today means a trip to Birmingham on Thursday; CD 1 tomorrow means a trip to Birmingham on Friday. I really hope I don't start on Wednesday because I'm not sure what services they do on Saturdays and we're trying to make as few trips as humanly possible!

So I am hoping for a few things: 1) That I talk to my insurance company and they tell me that the rate is 90/10 and get things corrected. 2) That I start getting my SSDI check! 3) That this works on the first try and we can stop playing this song and dance for a while!!

Le sigh.

annnnd... we're back!

Maybe I was being paranoid by making my blog private. Maybe not. Probably though. But isn't the fact that I was being paranoid just another symptom of my mental illness? Just food for thought. [cue crickets]

So. My hearing went... well, good. It was pretty cut and dry. I happened to have a headache that day so the volume on the teleconferencing system was a bit piercing; also I was a nervous freaking wreck so that was fun. But, overall, it was a pretty easy process. Once the ALJ and my attorney were finished questioning me the ALJ questioned a vocational expert and their testimony was basically favorable for me. So, barring anything catastrophic, we hope to receive a decision letter in my favor in the next five weeks (one week already down). Two years of waiting are almost over.

In the meantime, things have sort of unravelled. My mom's finances are a bit of a trainwreck. We're helping out as much as possible which means even though I declared bankruptcy and we have almost no bills we are still virtually broke from paycheck to paycheck. (This also has a lot to do with keeping up with mental health appointments and the fact that I drove to the RE twice in the span of a couple of weeks.) Another really unexpected and really large expense was our (well, Mom's) cat, Cupcake. When The Monkey and I first moved in with our three cats Cupcake got pretty stressed out. But she seemed to be dealing okay by spending a good bit of her time outside on the [screened in] patio. But slowly she stopped "asking" to go out. And I had to drag her from underneath one of the sofas to see if she would eat. She lost weight and we assumed that it was okay because she was obese to begin with. (My dad used to overfeed my Mom's cats something awful!) Still, her personality (aside from being a little more antisocial than usual) seemed okay. Until it didn't. She went downhill pretty quickly. I had to hunt for her and find her. We gave her my mom's room as her own but by then it was too late. We rushed her to a local animal hospital where they did a blood panel and an exam and it turned out that she was severely jaundiced (bilirubin was off the charts high) and her platelets were low. The vet mentioned a few different problems the least serious of which was the liver fluke and the most serious of which was cancer. I researched everything (of course) and found out that liver flukes are transmitted by skinks which we find all the time on the patio! She started to improve on the four medications they gave her (one of which was a dewormer for the liver fluke) so we breathed a sigh of relief.

Until about two weeks later when she stopped eating again. (Not that she'd really started eating much to begin with.)

She wasn't as visibly yellow as she had been before but she had a "tint" to her that looked unhealthy. Plus her gums were pale and tacky and she just looked and acted really miserable. (We're talking about a very loveable cat. Even when she was on death's doorstep with the jaundice she was still purring and loving on us.) I did more research and found out Hepatic Lipodosis (Fatty Liver Disease) is one of THE most common causes of liver failure in cats. Risk factors -- cats that were obese and lose weight rapidly along with their appetite. Cupcake fit the bill perfectly. When we took her back to the same vet (despite my request to get a second opinion) they kept her overnight. They said she was just dehydrated. All of her blood panels came back improved (but she's still showing signs of liver damage). So they gave her IV fluids and IV meds and then sent us home with l/d prescription diet and told us if she wasn't eating on her own by Saturday that we'd need to get a referral to a vet that's FOUR HOURS away for an ultrasound.

'Scuse me?

So, I'm a bit irritated. Because they rattled off these diagnoses of extremely uncommon disorders (something autoimmune) before checking for something VERY common? Something that the patient was clearly at risk for seeing as how she literally lost HALF of her body weight in less than two months??

I am pissed. Right now our vet bill is up to $1,000. It's not the money that matters it's the caliber of treatment. Treating FLD is actually pretty simple when caught early. It consists of intense nutritional support. But because kitties with this condition don't have an appetite, it becomes necessary to either a) force feed them via syringe or b) have a feeding tube inserted. Option b) is usually preferred because, believe it or not, it is LESS STRESSFUL on the cat. The vet said she was eating the morning before we brought her home. I got her home and she refused food of any kind. She refused TUNA!! I got her to eat a tiny, tiny bit of pumpkin mash mixed with chicken broth but not enough to brag about. So I have been forced to force feed her with a syringe which really pisses her off. (At least she comes out of hiding and snuggles with my mom at bed time.)

Tomorrow my plan is to call several other vets in the area for second, third, fourth, fifth opinions. I'm pissed that our vet decided against a feeding tube because now we're going to have to fork out MORE money for that as I'm at least 80% sure that a feeding tube is going to be what gets our Cupcake back to her old self.

It would be super great to have my SSDI kick in sooner rather than later. When it does, all of the cats are getting check ups! And we might have to look into some sort of pet insurance, too.