annnnd... we're back!

Maybe I was being paranoid by making my blog private. Maybe not. Probably though. But isn't the fact that I was being paranoid just another symptom of my mental illness? Just food for thought. [cue crickets]

So. My hearing went... well, good. It was pretty cut and dry. I happened to have a headache that day so the volume on the teleconferencing system was a bit piercing; also I was a nervous freaking wreck so that was fun. But, overall, it was a pretty easy process. Once the ALJ and my attorney were finished questioning me the ALJ questioned a vocational expert and their testimony was basically favorable for me. So, barring anything catastrophic, we hope to receive a decision letter in my favor in the next five weeks (one week already down). Two years of waiting are almost over.

In the meantime, things have sort of unravelled. My mom's finances are a bit of a trainwreck. We're helping out as much as possible which means even though I declared bankruptcy and we have almost no bills we are still virtually broke from paycheck to paycheck. (This also has a lot to do with keeping up with mental health appointments and the fact that I drove to the RE twice in the span of a couple of weeks.) Another really unexpected and really large expense was our (well, Mom's) cat, Cupcake. When The Monkey and I first moved in with our three cats Cupcake got pretty stressed out. But she seemed to be dealing okay by spending a good bit of her time outside on the [screened in] patio. But slowly she stopped "asking" to go out. And I had to drag her from underneath one of the sofas to see if she would eat. She lost weight and we assumed that it was okay because she was obese to begin with. (My dad used to overfeed my Mom's cats something awful!) Still, her personality (aside from being a little more antisocial than usual) seemed okay. Until it didn't. She went downhill pretty quickly. I had to hunt for her and find her. We gave her my mom's room as her own but by then it was too late. We rushed her to a local animal hospital where they did a blood panel and an exam and it turned out that she was severely jaundiced (bilirubin was off the charts high) and her platelets were low. The vet mentioned a few different problems the least serious of which was the liver fluke and the most serious of which was cancer. I researched everything (of course) and found out that liver flukes are transmitted by skinks which we find all the time on the patio! She started to improve on the four medications they gave her (one of which was a dewormer for the liver fluke) so we breathed a sigh of relief.

Until about two weeks later when she stopped eating again. (Not that she'd really started eating much to begin with.)

She wasn't as visibly yellow as she had been before but she had a "tint" to her that looked unhealthy. Plus her gums were pale and tacky and she just looked and acted really miserable. (We're talking about a very loveable cat. Even when she was on death's doorstep with the jaundice she was still purring and loving on us.) I did more research and found out Hepatic Lipodosis (Fatty Liver Disease) is one of THE most common causes of liver failure in cats. Risk factors -- cats that were obese and lose weight rapidly along with their appetite. Cupcake fit the bill perfectly. When we took her back to the same vet (despite my request to get a second opinion) they kept her overnight. They said she was just dehydrated. All of her blood panels came back improved (but she's still showing signs of liver damage). So they gave her IV fluids and IV meds and then sent us home with l/d prescription diet and told us if she wasn't eating on her own by Saturday that we'd need to get a referral to a vet that's FOUR HOURS away for an ultrasound.

'Scuse me?

So, I'm a bit irritated. Because they rattled off these diagnoses of extremely uncommon disorders (something autoimmune) before checking for something VERY common? Something that the patient was clearly at risk for seeing as how she literally lost HALF of her body weight in less than two months??

I am pissed. Right now our vet bill is up to $1,000. It's not the money that matters it's the caliber of treatment. Treating FLD is actually pretty simple when caught early. It consists of intense nutritional support. But because kitties with this condition don't have an appetite, it becomes necessary to either a) force feed them via syringe or b) have a feeding tube inserted. Option b) is usually preferred because, believe it or not, it is LESS STRESSFUL on the cat. The vet said she was eating the morning before we brought her home. I got her home and she refused food of any kind. She refused TUNA!! I got her to eat a tiny, tiny bit of pumpkin mash mixed with chicken broth but not enough to brag about. So I have been forced to force feed her with a syringe which really pisses her off. (At least she comes out of hiding and snuggles with my mom at bed time.)

Tomorrow my plan is to call several other vets in the area for second, third, fourth, fifth opinions. I'm pissed that our vet decided against a feeding tube because now we're going to have to fork out MORE money for that as I'm at least 80% sure that a feeding tube is going to be what gets our Cupcake back to her old self.

It would be super great to have my SSDI kick in sooner rather than later. When it does, all of the cats are getting check ups! And we might have to look into some sort of pet insurance, too.

move on, move on...

Right now I am pretty incredibly manic (which has me insanely worried because my hearing is on Friday and I can't decide if being manic at my disability hearing would be good or not??) I'm trying to burn these feelings into my brain so I can describe them accurately on Friday. I feel crazy. I want to focus on one thing but I can't. I am trying to reply to every.single.FB status. Talking my mom's ear off. Talking to the animals. Talking to myself. Talking to YOU! I'm too manic to text my BFF because it literally feels too slow. (Typing feels too slow. Typing IS too slow. I keep misspelling things.) I want to focus. I need to finish baking the cake I started (WTF made me want to bake a cake AND cook dinner AND have my mom fry up eggplant because now the kitchen is a mess!!) Also, I need t odo laundry and clean out the cat fountain and the kitchen floor needs cleaning amd the litter boxes need to be scooped as well and I really want to do all of this RIGHT.NOW. but I can't focus on anything.

I should probably take an Ativan soon or my heart might explode. (The palpitations are REALLY bad today.)

time to go private...

Going incognito for a while.

30 days of blogging - Day 3

My favorite TV show.

This is actually a pretty easy one. If I had to pick my favorite of all time it is most certainly Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Oh, go ahead, laugh if you must but Buffy is listed as number THREE on the Top Cult TV Shows of All Time list. Falling only behind Star Trek and The X-Files. (I was also an avid X-Phile in my early HS years. So maybe I am a big dork.) Okay, so not maybe... I am a big dork. Not only do I own all seven seasons of Buffy on DVD, I also own an extensive collection of books based on the series, several comics (courtesy of my BFF), The Sunnydale High Yearbook (no, really...), and some other items. I used to have this really neat black tank top that had a cross on it but I, uh, outgrew it (literally). I still have my necklace with a wooden stake charm.

Okay... you can laugh.

30 days of blogging - Day 2

Day two - my favorite movie. Again, it's impossible to choose just one. So I guess I'll just have to list a few.

Evolution
Dogma
The entire Harry Potter series
Girl, Interrupted
Independence Day
Men in Black
How High
All three Friday movies
The Matrix
City of Angels (also one of my favorite soundtracks)
The Emperor's New Groove

30 days of blogging - Day 1

So... my favorite song. Do I have to pick one?? That's impossible. How about a few from my favorite artists? :P

Metallica - Fade to Black, Orion, Seek & Destroy
Ani Difranco - Fire Door & Swan Dive
Disturbed - Droppin' Plates & The Sickness
Steve Miller Band - The Joker
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son
The Rolling Stones - Miss You, Beast of Burden, Sympathy for the Devil
U2 - Mysterious Ways

Ugh. I know there are plenty more songs that I could listen to over and over and over again but I can't think right now. It's hard to listen to some of my favorite older rock and roll songs because they remind me of my dad. :-/ He was a huge influence on my taste in music.

because I suck at blogging these days...

Maybe this will make the month fly by. It would be nice.

Day 1 - your favorite song
Day 2 - your favorite movie
Day 3 - your favorite television program
Day 4 - your favorite book
Day 5 - your favorite quote
Day 6 - 20 of your favorite things
Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy
Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9 - a photo you took
Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you
Day 11 - a photo of you recently
Day 12 - something you are OCD about
Day 13 - a fictional book
Day 14 - a non-fictional book
Day 15 - your dream house
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)
Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website
Day 23 - a youtube video
Day 24 - where you live
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - your worst habit
Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse
Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - a dream for the future