Right now I am pretty incredibly manic (which has me insanely worried because my hearing is on Friday and I can't decide if being manic at my disability hearing would be good or not??) I'm trying to burn these feelings into my brain so I can describe them accurately on Friday. I feel crazy. I want to focus on one thing but I can't. I am trying to reply to every.single.FB status. Talking my mom's ear off. Talking to the animals. Talking to myself. Talking to YOU! I'm too manic to text my BFF because it literally feels too slow. (Typing feels too slow. Typing IS too slow. I keep misspelling things.) I want to focus. I need to finish baking the cake I started (WTF made me want to bake a cake AND cook dinner AND have my mom fry up eggplant because now the kitchen is a mess!!) Also, I need t odo laundry and clean out the cat fountain and the kitchen floor needs cleaning amd the litter boxes need to be scooped as well and I really want to do all of this RIGHT.NOW. but I can't focus on anything.
I should probably take an Ativan soon or my heart might explode. (The palpitations are REALLY bad today.)
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
30 days of blogging - Day 3
My favorite TV show.
This is actually a pretty easy one. If I had to pick my favorite of all time it is most certainly Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Oh, go ahead, laugh if you must but Buffy is listed as number THREE on the Top Cult TV Shows of All Time list. Falling only behind Star Trek and The X-Files. (I was also an avid X-Phile in my early HS years. So maybe I am a big dork.) Okay, so not maybe... I am a big dork. Not only do I own all seven seasons of Buffy on DVD, I also own an extensive collection of books based on the series, several comics (courtesy of my BFF), The Sunnydale High Yearbook (no, really...), and some other items. I used to have this really neat black tank top that had a cross on it but I, uh, outgrew it (literally). I still have my necklace with a wooden stake charm.
Okay... you can laugh.
This is actually a pretty easy one. If I had to pick my favorite of all time it is most certainly Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Oh, go ahead, laugh if you must but Buffy is listed as number THREE on the Top Cult TV Shows of All Time list. Falling only behind Star Trek and The X-Files. (I was also an avid X-Phile in my early HS years. So maybe I am a big dork.) Okay, so not maybe... I am a big dork. Not only do I own all seven seasons of Buffy on DVD, I also own an extensive collection of books based on the series, several comics (courtesy of my BFF), The Sunnydale High Yearbook (no, really...), and some other items. I used to have this really neat black tank top that had a cross on it but I, uh, outgrew it (literally). I still have my necklace with a wooden stake charm.
Okay... you can laugh.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
30 days of blogging - Day 2
Day two - my favorite movie. Again, it's impossible to choose just one. So I guess I'll just have to list a few.
Evolution
Dogma
The entire Harry Potter series
Girl, Interrupted
Independence Day
Men in Black
How High
All three Friday movies
The Matrix
City of Angels (also one of my favorite soundtracks)
The Emperor's New Groove
Evolution
Dogma
The entire Harry Potter series
Girl, Interrupted
Independence Day
Men in Black
How High
All three Friday movies
The Matrix
City of Angels (also one of my favorite soundtracks)
The Emperor's New Groove
Monday, August 2, 2010
30 days of blogging - Day 1
So... my favorite song. Do I have to pick one?? That's impossible. How about a few from my favorite artists? :P
Metallica - Fade to Black, Orion, Seek & Destroy
Ani Difranco - Fire Door & Swan Dive
Disturbed - Droppin' Plates & The Sickness
Steve Miller Band - The Joker
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son
The Rolling Stones - Miss You, Beast of Burden, Sympathy for the Devil
U2 - Mysterious Ways
Ugh. I know there are plenty more songs that I could listen to over and over and over again but I can't think right now. It's hard to listen to some of my favorite older rock and roll songs because they remind me of my dad. :-/ He was a huge influence on my taste in music.
Metallica - Fade to Black, Orion, Seek & Destroy
Ani Difranco - Fire Door & Swan Dive
Disturbed - Droppin' Plates & The Sickness
Steve Miller Band - The Joker
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son
The Rolling Stones - Miss You, Beast of Burden, Sympathy for the Devil
U2 - Mysterious Ways
Ugh. I know there are plenty more songs that I could listen to over and over and over again but I can't think right now. It's hard to listen to some of my favorite older rock and roll songs because they remind me of my dad. :-/ He was a huge influence on my taste in music.
because I suck at blogging these days...
Maybe this will make the month fly by. It would be nice.
Day 1 - your favorite song
Day 2 - your favorite movie
Day 3 - your favorite television program
Day 4 - your favorite book
Day 5 - your favorite quote
Day 6 - 20 of your favorite things
Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy
Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9 - a photo you took
Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you
Day 11 - a photo of you recently
Day 12 - something you are OCD about
Day 13 - a fictional book
Day 14 - a non-fictional book
Day 15 - your dream house
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)
Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website
Day 23 - a youtube video
Day 24 - where you live
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - your worst habit
Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse
Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - a dream for the future
Day 1 - your favorite song
Day 2 - your favorite movie
Day 3 - your favorite television program
Day 4 - your favorite book
Day 5 - your favorite quote
Day 6 - 20 of your favorite things
Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy
Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9 - a photo you took
Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you
Day 11 - a photo of you recently
Day 12 - something you are OCD about
Day 13 - a fictional book
Day 14 - a non-fictional book
Day 15 - your dream house
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)
Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website
Day 23 - a youtube video
Day 24 - where you live
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - your worst habit
Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse
Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - a dream for the future
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
come on the rising wind*
Our financial stress has gone from about a nine to a two since filing bankruptcy. I'm not happy that I had to do it and I'm certainly not proud but I don't regret it. We have quite a bit coming up. The Monkey went to see a urologist regarding his low testosterone level and he immediately handed him a prescription for testosterone injections. Thankfully I'd done my research and learned that synthetic testosterone injections shut down sperm production and even after asking about an alternate treatment (Clomid, hCG) the urologist insisted that testosterone was the only way to go and that it wouldn't affect our TTC endeavors. Really? Well, we definitely won't be going back to see him that's for sure. I called our RE and they got us in on the 27th of July. I'll be getting my annual exam and bloodwork and all of that fun stuff. The Monkey will be getting some routine bloodwork as well along with a repeat semen analysis done. Sixteen more days to go. Why does it always seem like an eternity?
The first week in August I have to be in court for my bankruptcy hearing. I'm not really concerned about it because, as I said, I don't regret the decision. And The Monkey will be there with me and he's been through this before and assured me there's nothing to be worried about. Then, towards the end of August, I have to be in court again for my SSD hearing. Now that I am nervous about. I don't really know what to expect. I can walk. I can talk. I'm intelligent (or so I'm told). So, yeah, I'm worried. I'm worried the ALJ is going to look at me and snort and then send me packing. The Monkey says we'll appeal again if that happens. I really hope it doesn't.
That's the thing about mental illness. It's not exactly tangible. With a physical disability it's easy for someone to see that something is wrong (although, not in all cases). And although that doesn't necessarily make it easier to get approved for SSD (that's not what I'm saying) it is one less thing you have working against you. And you rarely find people frowning upon those with physical disabilities. I'm not looking for pity (I don't think anyone with a disability is) but it would be nice to get a little understanding. Understanding that I don't want this. I don't. It sucks. To go from one day to the next never knowing what your mood is going to be like. To find yourself curled up in bed, under the covers in a pool of tears and completely unable to explain to your husband why you're depressed. Don't get me started on the guilt that you feel when you watch your 58 year old mother drag herself to work day in and day out while you sit at home on your butt all day. (For the record, that is my insecurities talking. I don't sit on my butt all day. Depressive episodes are harder to manage because I do get very little accomplished. On good days, I keep up with house work, I cook, I tend to the animals, etc.)
I can't think straight.
The first week in August I have to be in court for my bankruptcy hearing. I'm not really concerned about it because, as I said, I don't regret the decision. And The Monkey will be there with me and he's been through this before and assured me there's nothing to be worried about. Then, towards the end of August, I have to be in court again for my SSD hearing. Now that I am nervous about. I don't really know what to expect. I can walk. I can talk. I'm intelligent (or so I'm told). So, yeah, I'm worried. I'm worried the ALJ is going to look at me and snort and then send me packing. The Monkey says we'll appeal again if that happens. I really hope it doesn't.
That's the thing about mental illness. It's not exactly tangible. With a physical disability it's easy for someone to see that something is wrong (although, not in all cases). And although that doesn't necessarily make it easier to get approved for SSD (that's not what I'm saying) it is one less thing you have working against you. And you rarely find people frowning upon those with physical disabilities. I'm not looking for pity (I don't think anyone with a disability is) but it would be nice to get a little understanding. Understanding that I don't want this. I don't. It sucks. To go from one day to the next never knowing what your mood is going to be like. To find yourself curled up in bed, under the covers in a pool of tears and completely unable to explain to your husband why you're depressed. Don't get me started on the guilt that you feel when you watch your 58 year old mother drag herself to work day in and day out while you sit at home on your butt all day. (For the record, that is my insecurities talking. I don't sit on my butt all day. Depressive episodes are harder to manage because I do get very little accomplished. On good days, I keep up with house work, I cook, I tend to the animals, etc.)
I can't think straight.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
