grrrr...

Our Old Navy is the ONLY retail store that opens before 10:00 AM. My sister and I were there at 10:00 sharp and we were disheartened when was saw the massive crowd at the registers. I went in and, sure enough, the flip flops were completely CLEANED OUT. I was extremely upset but now I'm over it. There's always next year, I suppose. It's my own fault for assuming they opened at 10:00 like everyone else. (They open at 9:00 AM on Saturdays.)

when the impossible becomes possible

The Monkey had to work 12:00 - 9:00 PM today which, honestly, got me feeling down. It's not that I mind him working, I truly don't, but our hours spent together are dwindling rapidly. With all the overtime he's racking up, I hardly get to see him. So today, he swapped shifts with his coworker and worked the late shift. When he gets home [momentarily] he'll get changed and probably crawl right into bed because he has to get up and work 7:00 AM to 4:00 PM tomorrow. [sigh]

So, in an effort to keep myself sufficiently distracted, I decided to make a trip to D-Town to hit up Old Navy. Mostly I was looking to exchange the pants I bought for The Monkey online a few weeks ago. And I also wanted to look at swimsuits. YIKES!! Bring on the self loathing...

So I drug my sister out to D-Town in the rain (this weather SUCKS) and we get to Old Navy and I spend a good half hour looking for The Monkey's pants in the correct size. I have no luck finding his shorts. Then I went traipsing around looking at this and that. Finally, I hit up the swimsuit section. They had some super cute tankini tops but no bottoms that matched. But then... I found a cute aqua blue with white polka dots tankini halter in my size! And, to my surprise, I found a super cute skirted bottom to match! Score! Since it was the only matching set I could find in my size, I decided to try it on. Cue aforementioned self loathing...

But I have lost some weight. I weighed myself this morning and was pleased when the scale said 220! Only 20 more pounds to go until I reach my first (of many) goals! I am absolutely tickled that several pairs of my old capris fit me comfortably again! But back to my fitting room antics...

So I go in and strip down to my skivvies. I go to pull on the skirted bottoms only to find out that the skirted bottoms have no bottoms! It's just a cute little skirt made of swimsuit material. CURSES! Then I try on the top. Much to my surprise, the ensemble is very flattering. Especially the little skirt which flares out like a swimsuit version of a tutu and not only disguises my tummy but makes me look like I have a butt! (For the record, my butt is ridiculously flat. I would give anything to move some of the extra poundage from my midsection to my rump. Meh.) I was so tickled to have not only tried on a swimsuit and actually be pleased enough to purchase it but I did it on the first try. The planets must be in perfect alignment or something. This is an absolute first for me! (Even at my thinnest I had a hard time finding swimsuits.) But there was still the pesky problem of finding...uh...bottoms to go under the skirt. (I'm still pretty miffed that the skirt didn't have "built in" bottoms. Who the hell designed this thing?!)

Despite another half hour of searching (and even trying on a pair of itsy bitsy teenie weenie, tie-on-the-side white pair) I came up empty handed. But I simply could NOT let this swimsuit go! So I bought it anyway and figured I'd be able to find a pair of white bottoms somewhere else. They didn't have to be special. Just plain white. The skirt will be covering them up, after all.

I had no luck finding white bottoms, though. Thankfully I came straight home and logged onto oldnavy.com and found the matching polka dot bottoms in my size. Wee! So now I have a swimsuit that flatters even my non-figure. Hooray!

I am also happy to say that my plans for distraction worked perfectly. We left around 1:30 and didn't get back until 7:00 PM. The Monkey got home at quarter after 9:00.

My sister and I are planning another excursion to Old Navy tomorrow morning. We need to be there as soon as they open. If you haven't heard, they are having $1.00 flip flop day tomorrow! Holy crap! Who can resist flip flops for a dollar?! They have them in EVERY color and I NEED them in EVERY color, damnit! Plus I'll be able to replace a couple of my old pairs that are just completely worn out. I don't understand why they don't do this every year!

documenting the non-interesting

Today my anxiety level is through the roof. I don't know what gives. Anxiety has been an almost non-issue for the past year because we removed the major source of stress from my life: work. Money/finances have been a source of stress and worry but nothing unmanagable, to be honest.

Today's anxiety came out of nowhere. It hit like a freak lightning strike on a stormless, cloudless day. There are no precursors. I am not preoccupied about anything, to my knowledge. Things are taking a turn for the better with The Monkey getting hired on at Verizon. (His hire date, by the way, is June 1st!) His first paycheck for Verizon is going to fall, spectacularly, one week after his last Manpower paycheck. So no juggling finances and rearranging bills. And I've even been consistently losing weight and dared to put on some clothes I haven't worn in a year and a half and was delighted to find that they not only fit, they fit comfortably.

So I have no clue where the anxiety/panic is coming from. None at all.

I saw my pdoc again today. I'll be glad when we have insurance and I can choose my own pdoc and see someone that will give me more than five minutes every month and a half. I understand the situation. And I am grateful that I was able to utilize their services while being uninsured. I'm just ready to see a pdoc that does more than write a few things down on paper and then handing me a prescription.

And speaking of prescriptions, I am up to the lowest theraputic dosage of Lamictal. It doesn't seem to be doing much of anything but it's certainly not hurting me so the doc upped me to a better (and more widely used) theraputic dosage of 200mg per day. So I start that dosage tomorrow. I'm not taking the Zyprexa often. It does keep me from climbing the walls but the side effects are completely unacceptable. I'll take a small dose at night and the next day all I can think about is EATING. So I shy away from it except in times of desperate need (e.g. I haven't slept more than a couple of hours in a week and I feel like I'm going to crawl up the walls and hang from the ceiling).

In other news, So You Think You Can Dance started tonight! I completely missed last season because of everything that was transpiring in our lives at the time (my depression, hospitalization, The Monkey getting fired, my getting fired, moving... blah blah blasé blah) but I really enjoyed the hell out of season three and I am hoping this season kicks some major bootie!

So now I'm going to go sit down and watch Ace of Cakes reruns and then Good Eats. And I'll take my meds like a good little girl and hopefully sleep the entire night and not worry about the shadows and the incessant racing thoughts.

Yep.

[snoopy dance]

The Monkey got his offer letter today for his new job. Not only is he about to be an official Verizon Wireless employee, they offered him a $4.25 per hour raise!

This is me ecstatic. This is me [snoopy dancing] all over the place!

And, also, I lost all the weight I gained (which was, honestly, minimal) plus a couple of pounds. I'm down to 221. Only 21 more pounds to go before I reach my [first] goal. w00t w00t!!

it pays to have friends in high places

It definitely pays to have friends in high places. Since The Monkey got hired as a temp for Verizon, our friend Banana has been doing everything and anything she can (without looking suspicious) to get him out of Customer Service and into a better position. After three months of being there she got him out of Customer Service and onto the newly formed Port Team. (This was after he interviewed for the Tech Analyst position but was "beat out" by someone that had more experience.) It didn't mean a promotion or pay raise but it did mean a better job, more opportunity for advancement, and getting Banana herself as a boss. Sweet! When he first took the position he was told that his shift was going to change from a comfy 9:00 AM to 6:00 PM to a not-so-comfy 12:00 - 9:00 PM. But we dealt with the coming change because, hey, The Monkey was happier and liked the job better anyhow. But then, lo and behold, he wound up getting the 7:00 AM to 4:00 PM shift instead! (Again, courtesy of Banana.) In the interim, Banana has been doing everything and anything she could to train The Monkey as a Tech Analyst...just in case.

Today it paid off. She has a team member quitting and she brought up The Monkey as his replacement. After "stating her case" to her bosses, they all agreed that if he was willing to accept the position, he was welcome to it!

We are both FOUR KINDS OF EXCITED! Not only does this mean a better job, but it also means no more weekends (or, at least not as frequent). There's room for advancement and more opportunity. I always loved the job, personally, and The Monkey and I are both technical minded and enjoy learning things so I know he and the new position will get along. And lastly it means a DEFINITE pay raise! As a temp he'll get $2.50 more an hour than he makes currently. It'll be even more when he gets hired on with Verizon. Which should be happening by June 1st.

Hooray for good news! Hooray for good friends! Hooray for solid employment in a shaky economy! Hooray hooray hooray!!

hopefully...

Yesterday The Monkey's boss mentioned that he should be on rotation to get hired on with Verizon around June 1st. This means a couple of very good things: 1) a pay increase of roughly $1.50 per hour, 2) MEDICAL INSURANCE. Nothing is set in stone but we're going to keep our fingers crossed that this goes through. His boss is also lobbying to get his and his team members' status/title changed from CSR to Technical Analyst (or something similar). This would mean a pay increase of about $4.00 per hour vs. the $1.50. Naturally either pay increase is going to be nice but obviously the $4.00 increase would be preferable! (As it stands, his getting the $1.50 increase is going to be just enough to pay for insurance so we won't actually see an increase in his paychecks.)

So, yeah... FINGERS CROSSED!

places to go, people to see

I haven't been updating lately because there's really not much to say. The Monkey changed shifts last week and is now working 7:00 AM to 4:00 PM. We are both thrilled with his new schedule as it's going to be permanent. He still has to work weekends, though. But only every third so we're not complaining. He's really enjoying his job and if only Verizon would hire him on permanently we'd be golden. Banana seems to think it'll be by the end of this month so we shall see. He's also been working overtime the past week and a half which is good for the bank account, of course. However that also means that I don't see much of The Monkey. He leaves before I get up and then he comes home and goes to bed a helluva lot earlier than he used to. But oh well. I really can't (and won't) complain.

My weight loss has stalled due to a persistent lack of exercise. I haven't walked in over a month! Shame on me. Thankfully I haven't gained any weight. I'm holding steady right at about 224. However, I need to get on the ball and lose lose lose because something fantastic has transpired and I need to lose at least 24 pounds by August.

A few days ago my oldest sister (the one in Pennsylvania) sent my sister (the one I live with) a text message. Our [biological] dad is turning 60 this August (!!) and our step-mom is throwing him a surprise 60th birthday bash. She really wants Michelle and me to attend. It would be a HUGE surprise to our dad. He hasn't seen Michelle since they moved down to Alabama and he hasn't seen me since we visited in '99 -- 10 whole years! Not to mention it'll be the first time my dad will see all four of us (my sisters, my brother, and I) together since I was four. (When I visited them in '99 my brother never came around to see us.) Michelle wants to get pictures done while we're there which we can then surprise my mom with when we come home. Needless to say, it would be HARD to top this "birthday gift" to our dad! This will also mean getting to see aunts, uncles, and cousins that I haven't seen since I was a wee one and some that I've never actually met! (Or maybe I have met them but was so young that I have no recollection of it.)

I'm pretty stoked. It'll probably mean that I won't be going down to Panama City for a weekend in July but it's a well worth it sacrifice.

In other and equally uninteresting news, I've developed a case of tennis elbow. I can barely lift a box fan because it involves gripping. Brushing my teeth hurts. I hope it passes quickly.