30 days of blogging - Day 3

My favorite TV show.

This is actually a pretty easy one. If I had to pick my favorite of all time it is most certainly Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Oh, go ahead, laugh if you must but Buffy is listed as number THREE on the Top Cult TV Shows of All Time list. Falling only behind Star Trek and The X-Files. (I was also an avid X-Phile in my early HS years. So maybe I am a big dork.) Okay, so not maybe... I am a big dork. Not only do I own all seven seasons of Buffy on DVD, I also own an extensive collection of books based on the series, several comics (courtesy of my BFF), The Sunnydale High Yearbook (no, really...), and some other items. I used to have this really neat black tank top that had a cross on it but I, uh, outgrew it (literally). I still have my necklace with a wooden stake charm.

Okay... you can laugh.

30 days of blogging - Day 2

Day two - my favorite movie. Again, it's impossible to choose just one. So I guess I'll just have to list a few.

Evolution
Dogma
The entire Harry Potter series
Girl, Interrupted
Independence Day
Men in Black
How High
All three Friday movies
The Matrix
City of Angels (also one of my favorite soundtracks)
The Emperor's New Groove

30 days of blogging - Day 1

So... my favorite song. Do I have to pick one?? That's impossible. How about a few from my favorite artists? :P

Metallica - Fade to Black, Orion, Seek & Destroy
Ani Difranco - Fire Door & Swan Dive
Disturbed - Droppin' Plates & The Sickness
Steve Miller Band - The Joker
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son
The Rolling Stones - Miss You, Beast of Burden, Sympathy for the Devil
U2 - Mysterious Ways

Ugh. I know there are plenty more songs that I could listen to over and over and over again but I can't think right now. It's hard to listen to some of my favorite older rock and roll songs because they remind me of my dad. :-/ He was a huge influence on my taste in music.

because I suck at blogging these days...

Maybe this will make the month fly by. It would be nice.

Day 1 - your favorite song
Day 2 - your favorite movie
Day 3 - your favorite television program
Day 4 - your favorite book
Day 5 - your favorite quote
Day 6 - 20 of your favorite things
Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy
Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9 - a photo you took
Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you
Day 11 - a photo of you recently
Day 12 - something you are OCD about
Day 13 - a fictional book
Day 14 - a non-fictional book
Day 15 - your dream house
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)
Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website
Day 23 - a youtube video
Day 24 - where you live
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - your worst habit
Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse
Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - a dream for the future

come on the rising wind*

Our financial stress has gone from about a nine to a two since filing bankruptcy. I'm not happy that I had to do it and I'm certainly not proud but I don't regret it. We have quite a bit coming up. The Monkey went to see a urologist regarding his low testosterone level and he immediately handed him a prescription for testosterone injections. Thankfully I'd done my research and learned that synthetic testosterone injections shut down sperm production and even after asking about an alternate treatment (Clomid, hCG) the urologist insisted that testosterone was the only way to go and that it wouldn't affect our TTC endeavors. Really? Well, we definitely won't be going back to see him that's for sure. I called our RE and they got us in on the 27th of July. I'll be getting my annual exam and bloodwork and all of that fun stuff. The Monkey will be getting some routine bloodwork as well along with a repeat semen analysis done. Sixteen more days to go. Why does it always seem like an eternity?

The first week in August I have to be in court for my bankruptcy hearing. I'm not really concerned about it because, as I said, I don't regret the decision. And The Monkey will be there with me and he's been through this before and assured me there's nothing to be worried about. Then, towards the end of August, I have to be in court again for my SSD hearing. Now that I am nervous about. I don't really know what to expect. I can walk. I can talk. I'm intelligent (or so I'm told). So, yeah, I'm worried. I'm worried the ALJ is going to look at me and snort and then send me packing. The Monkey says we'll appeal again if that happens. I really hope it doesn't.

That's the thing about mental illness. It's not exactly tangible. With a physical disability it's easy for someone to see that something is wrong (although, not in all cases). And although that doesn't necessarily make it easier to get approved for SSD (that's not what I'm saying) it is one less thing you have working against you. And you rarely find people frowning upon those with physical disabilities. I'm not looking for pity (I don't think anyone with a disability is) but it would be nice to get a little understanding. Understanding that I don't want this. I don't. It sucks. To go from one day to the next never knowing what your mood is going to be like. To find yourself curled up in bed, under the covers in a pool of tears and completely unable to explain to your husband why you're depressed. Don't get me started on the guilt that you feel when you watch your 58 year old mother drag herself to work day in and day out while you sit at home on your butt all day. (For the record, that is my insecurities talking. I don't sit on my butt all day. Depressive episodes are harder to manage because I do get very little accomplished. On good days, I keep up with house work, I cook, I tend to the animals, etc.)

I can't think straight.

new(ish) hobby...

I've been baking for years.  It's only been recently that I started really getting into decorating my baked goods.  Specifically cakes.  I guess I started with my sister's baby shower cake in 2007.



And eventually I started getting more and more creative.  I started collecting things for decorating.  Piping tips; spatulas; cake plates...  I got tired of freehanding my writing so I found stencils.  A cake leveler.  Etc and so on.

Last year I decided to make Madison's second birthday cake in the shape of a 2.  I was extremely pleased with myself.




The inside of the cake was bright green as well.  I guess I impressed my niece Deborah because it wasn't long after Madison's birthday that she told me that she wanted a rainbow cake.  Her birthday is in June.  :P

And so my wheels started turning.  And I did some Googling on rainbow cakes.  And I thought about making her a seven layer cake with white frosting so she'd be all WOW! when she cut into it and each layer was a different color of the rainbow.  But then I started wondering about fondant.  And I asked around and found out that making your own fondant is remarkably easy.  (No, really.  As in melt a bag of mini marshmallow in the microwave for about a minute and a half with two tablespoons of water.  Stir every 30 seconds to ensure even meltage.  Coat a wooden spoon in Crisco.  Once melted, add in about a pound of powdered sugar and stir until a ball forms.  Coat hands thoroughly in Crisco.  Knead until fondant is the consistency of dough.  Refridgerate and use the next day.  SO easy.)  So, I figured what the hell and played with it.

And I had a blast.  And I think my practice cakes turned out pretty darn good!  My first practice cake was HUGE.  Two tiered and everything!  I attempted to "marble" all of the colored fondant together but didn't like the effect too much so I won't be doing that on the final cake.



I think I want to add some pearl dust to the final product, though, to make the fondant shiny.  At least the colored decor.  So here is my second practice cake.  I made the two layers with different recipes.  The top layer is the winner (finer texture/crumb; tastier; more moist).  I am thinking about trying out a better buttercream icing recipe.  The one I've been using is more of a "decorating" icing recipe and it's really overly sweet (and kinda greasy since Crisco is involved).



















I would say, overall, it took me about five hours (collectively) to do everything.  It's pretty labor intensive to make a rainbow cake (all the mixing involved you know).  Plus I only have ONE ten inch pan (MUST remedy that!) so I had to bake the cakes separately.  I baked the cakes the night before and crumb coated them with buttercream and allowed them to chill over night.  Then I applied another coat of buttercream before applying my fondant.  My fondant work isn't perfect but pretty damn good for an amateur (and only my second try)!

I can't wait to do it again.  :)

more up and down time

Bloggity bloggity bloggity...

It seems since we moved in with my mom I have been more motivated to blog. I don't know if it's that I have more to say or just more time to say it. I just find that I feel like sitting down and putting my words down, I guess.

Tomorrow I have a consult for a bankruptcy with the same attorneys that are dealing with my disability case. I am sincerely hoping that they say the outlook is good. According the bit of research I've done online I can easily file Chapter 7 despite all of the new laws that Bush put into place several years ago. The Monkey and I don't even bring in half of the median income for the state of Alabama. And if Mom's mortgage doesn't get dropped low enough she is definitely going to need help keeping up with her bills. My dad's retirement really isn't very much. And her income is barely enough to cover their furniture bill (which is has to pay because she works there) and the utilities. As much as I feel like an utter failure for filing bankruptcy I honestly feel like it is the best route to go at this point. First of all, it will end all of my frivilous spending on credit. Our monthly bills will literally be cut in half, if not more. I can eliminate all of the medical bills I have floating around out there and we can set up payments on the few that The Monkey has out there so we can get those off of his credit. We're not looking at buying vehicles any time soon. Or any other major credit purchases for that matter. Our living situation is ideal. Neither The Monkey nor I mind living with my mom. She is, honestly, the ideal roommate. She doesn't eat much (gastric bypass), she cooks occasionally, she doesn't make a mess and what mess she does make is easy to pick up, she doesn't complain, she enjoys our company, and she can't wait for us to have a baby. :) My only qualm with her is that she STILL hasn't given up smoking. For those of you that pray, I ask that you pray hard that she gives it up soon. One of my biggest worries is that she will get lung cancer. My aunt passed from lung cancer in 2004 and another one of my aunts is strugggling with it now. I watched my aunt deteriorate so quickly in 2004 and I don't know if I could handle watching my mom go through that. And I really can't imagine not having her around to watch my children grow up. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. She gave up drinking and recreational drugs (marijuana) the day my dad was arrested but she is having serious problems giving up cigarettes. All the guilt trips in the world from my sister and me have ZERO effect. [sigh]

Today is going to prove to be a rather boring Wednesday. I did several loads of laundry yesterday and they all need to be folded, hung, and put away. Baskets upon baskets. After the day I spent organizing my mom's closets and drawers, I refuse to let it get out of hand. However, I woke up with a nasty sort of headache and I'm waiting for my medicine to kick in before I get started on any sort of strenuous chores. I'm also planning to tackle the kitchen floor (which is really kind of gross) since I finally got my electric sweeper vac from my sister's house along with the bathroom floors and toilets. (I did the bathtubs the other day.) Since I finally got my new litter scooper yesterday I won't mind scooping the litter boxes (all four of them) today as well. Most everything else is done. We cooked braised barbecue ribs, baked potatoes, corn on the cob, and Ceasar salad for supper last night and there are enough leftovers for this evening so I won't have to worry about cooking tonight.

Tonight I take my last active birth control pill. I don't have anymore refills but I do have a spare pack left. My plan is to go buy a new BBT this weekend (both of mine died after two years of gathering dust). I was also looking at buying some cheapie OPKs on eBay. I am going to monitor this next cycle or two off birth control and see how things pan out. I have a bottle of D-Chiro-Inositol that I didn't take and I am going to take that as well. Hopefully the 45 pounds I've lost in the past year and a half plus the eight months of birth control have done my body a little bit of good. Maybe I'll ovulate, maybe I won't. But I figure it won't hurt to see where my body is at. I'm trying not to let the burn of baby fever get to me. After all, it never happened naturally before, I shouldn't allow myself to get all hopeful that it will happen naturally now. I have looked up pricing for injectables and things. They are covered under our prescription insurance, thank the Lord, but they are not as cheap as my previous insurance. But, like I said, thank the Lord that they are covered. I know that is more than many have and I am grateful. Because $80 for a cycle's worth of Follistim is a heck of a lot better than $2,500. But paying for injectables is not my biggest worry. In two years, I had two laparoscopies to remove polyps from my uterus. The second lap found Stage II endo as well. My previous insurance had excellent coverage for outpatient surgery -- $150 copay; everything all inclusive. Our new coverage is different. Instead of a set copay, they cover a percentage. 90% if I remember right. And, again, if I remember right, my laps cost somewhere in the realm of $25k. 10% of $25,000 is $2,500. Which is a far cry from the $150 we paid before. :-/ Perhaps I'll get lucky and not need another lap. But I'm not very optimistic.

I'd better lie down now and let the Midrin work its magic so I can get started on my housework. Being a house elf isn't half bad. :) I look forward to the day when I have a baby to look after as well as a husband, Mom, five cats, and a dog. Life will be a little more complete, I think. But for now, things feel a bit more right than they did living in a garage. I am most definitely appreciative for central air conditioning. OH YES.